Hieroglyphic Graffiti » 2005 » December

Thursday December, 29 2005

Holiday Recap

Filed under: General — makani @ 11:36 am

I had a very nice Christmas. I dipped candles and ate way too much good food. I have yet to play way too much Game Cube but I chalk that up to not having been in the apartment most of the week. I intend to make up for it come the New Year.

Dipping Candles is way too much fun. It’s slow but it’s nice because it’s not hard, anyone can do it and it makes ample time to stand/sit around talking, eating and doing puzzles. I approve. I love puzzles.

Oh, and I have good and bad news about the Journey to the West handbasket. The bad news is, it’s taking me a long ass time to compelete each chapter. The good news is that I’m still working on it. I’m also doing another unoffical icon challenge. This one features Link from the Legend of Zelda. I’ve got about 25 to date but I’m taking this one pretty slow, trying to improve my style.

Thursday December, 22 2005

Legend of Zelda

Filed under: General — makani @ 3:11 pm

This just about made my day.

It’s a Japanese commercial for the Legend of Zelda. Link dances.

The internet is a wonderful place sometimes.

Wednesday December, 21 2005

A moment of silence

Filed under: General — makani @ 3:56 pm

A moment of silence, if you don’t mind, for my poor hard drive.

I brought it to a friend in the hopes of free data recovery. No dice. He thinks my data is still there but I will have to send it to a company who will put it into a clean room.

The good news is my data is probably intact.

The bad news is that it will cost upwards of $1000 and that is a lot of zeros.

So, yeah. *cries*

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 11

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 12:10 pm

And here it is, the final Tablet of the Gilgamesh Handbasket. Enjoy.
I should have another couple of chapters of the Monkey one soon if my body decides not to put me through terrible pain like it did last night.

Tablet 11
Gilgamesh feels stupid, the flood story is retold, the quest ends in failure.


GILGAMESH
You’re Utanapishtim? I was expecting some big godly thing but you’re like me. Man, and I came this way thinking I could fight you to get the secret of Eternal Life.

UTANAPISHTIM
Violence is never the answer, kiddo. Let me tell you the Story of the Flood and you’ll know the Secret of the Gods!


UTANAPISHTIM tells a that is interesting FLOOD STORY but which isn’t actually important to the STORY.

UTANAPISHTIM
And so the Gods made me and my wife Immortals and sent us to live far away at the Mouth of the Rivers.

GILGAMESH
So, can you ask the Gods to make me Immortal?

UTANAPISHTIM
For you, I’ll see what I can do. But you have to prove yourself so sit here and don’t sleep for six days and seven nights.

GILGAMESH
Oh that’s easy.


GILGAMESH sits down and immediately FALLS ASLEEP.

UTANAPISHTIM
Asleep already? Honey, make a loaf of bread for every day he sleeps and mark it on the wall.

GILGAMESH sleeps for six days and seven nights.

UTANAPISHTIM
Ok, I think the point is made.

UTANAPISHTIM touches GILGAMESH and wakes him.

GILGAMESH
Oh, just as I was about to fall asleep, thanks pal!

UTANAPISHTIM
Check out the moldy bread and marks on the wall. You’ve been sleeping for six days and seven nights.

GILGAMESH
Oh… I guess I don’t get to become Immortal.

UTANAPISHTIM
That’s about the size of it. Urshanabi, you’re fired.

URSHANABI
Umm why?

UTANAPISHTIM
Because you brought this loser here. Go and be his servant and get him cleaned up, he stinks!


URSHANABI takes GILGAMESH and gets all decked out in his ROYAL FINERY.

UTANAPISHTIM’S WIFE
Now, dear, he’s come all this way, give him something to show for it.

UTANAPISHTIM
Oh all right. I’ll tell you a little secret, Gilgamesh, there’s a plant that if you eat it you’ll grow young again. It has a lot of thorns though, so be careful.

GILGAMESH
Thanks!


GILGAMESH ties BIG ROCKS to his legs and sinks into the WATER. It appears that these are DIFFERENT WATERS than the WATER of DEATH and are instead the Waters that flow through the UNDERWORLD.

GILGAMESH
Wouldn’t those be the Waters of Death then? Nevermind, that must be the plant!

GILGAMESH takes the plant, cuts the cords holding the BIG ROCKS and bobs to the surface like a CORK but doesn’t seem to suffer from the BENDS.

GILGAMESH
Got it! And it’s a thorny sucker too. I’ll take it back to Uruk and test it on an old man there.

THEY travel for THIRTY Leagues before they stop for the night and GILGAMESH decides to go and BATHE in a STREAM.

GILGAMESH
I’ll just leave this magical plant here. It should be safe.

No one is surprised when a SNAKE wanders onto the SCENE.

SNAKE
Mmm, that plant smells good, I’ll take it with me.

The SNAKE eats the plant and SHEDS it’s skin. GILGAMESH sees this and starts to cry.

GILGAMESH
Damn, I haven’t done a good deed for anyone except that snake. This sucks. This is the first quest I’ve ever failed.

URSHANABI
Sucks to be you. But how stupid do you have to be to leave a plant of eternal youth just lying around?

GILGAMESH
Shut up. Now I’m sad we can take the boat.

URSHANABI
Why not?

GILGAMESH
Because I say so.


THEY leave the BOAT for some UNKNOWN REASON and travel back to URUK by land.

GILGAMESH
Well at least the walls of my city will stand forever.

URSHANABI
That’s a much better way to look at it.

GILGAMESH
Enkidu did tell me to be content with my life. I knew that would be important.

URSHANABI
You would’ve saved yourself a lot of trouble if you’d listened to him.

GILGAMESH
It’s a bloody great wall though.


End.

Tuesday December, 20 2005

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 10

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 10:43 am

One more Tablet to go. Expect more Monkey after the New Year.

Tablet 10
Gilgamesh scares the tavern keeper and finds Utanapishtim


SIDURI
I live by the seashore. Gee, look at the haggered man covered in animals skins! He must be a murderer!

SIDURI runs into her house and locks all the doors and gates but GILGAMESH hears the noise.

GILGAMESH
Why are you locking your doors? I am the great king Gilgamesh! Let me in our I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!

SIDURI
No! If you’re Gilgamesh, why do you look so haggered and desolate?

GILGAMESH
Shouldn’t I? My lover Enkidu has died. I mourned him for six days and seven nights and I wouldn’t let him be buried until a maggot fell out of his nose.

SIDURI
That’s sick.

GILGAMESH
No, that’s grief. I don’t want to die and have maggots fall out of my nose! So, which way to Utanapishtim?

SIDURI
No one sees the great Utanapishtim! You’d have to cross the sea and then the Waters of Death and no one can do that except for Shamash.

GILGAMESH
I will or I’ll die trying!

SIDURI
That was kind of the point. Utanapishtim’s ferryman Urshanabi is over there.

GILGAMESH
Thanks!


GILGAMESH goes over to URSHANABI and breaks some STONE THINGS but nobody seems to know what they are even though they seem to be IMPORTANT.

GILGAMESH
Whoops, hope you didn’t need those.

URSHANABI
Geez, you look sad. Why the long face?

GILGAMESH
My lover is dead.

URSHANABI
Sucks to be you, pal. Still there’s no reason to go around breaking people’s stone things.

GILGAMESH
I’m looking for Utanapishtim. Take me to him.

URSHANABI
No can do.

GILGAMESH
Why not?

URSHANABI
You broke my stone things and I needed those.

GILGAMESH
Oh, sorry about that.

URSHANABI
So go to the woods and cut down 300 punting poles each 60 cubits in length and then bring them back here.

GILGAMESH
No problem.


GILGAMESH goes and cuts the POLES and then HE and URSHANABI set sail in the MAGILLU boat and sail for a month and a half before they reach the WATERS OF DEATH.

URSHANABI
Now take those poles, Gilgamesh, your hands must never touch the Waters of Death.

GILGAMESH
Oh, is that why I need 300?

URSHANABI
Yep.


Then for NO REASON GILGAMESH gets naked!

URSHANABI
Dude, put your clothes back on.

GILGAMESH
But I ran out of poles so I’m holding my clothes around the mast or maybe the poles, not

really sure I think the Tablet broke.

URSHANABI
Yeah, that happens a lot, still put your clothes back on.


Meanwhile UTANAPISHTIM stares at the boat and wonders what’s going on.

UTANAPISHTIM
Why are the stone things smashed? And why is someone besides URSHANABI sailing the boat?

Somewhere in the MISSING LINES GILGAMESH lands the boat but doesn’t recognize UTANAPISHTIM.

UTANAPISHTIM
You look sad, why is that?

GILGAMESH
For the third time, my lover Enkidu is dead. I need to find Utanapishtim.

UTANAPISHTIM
Tough cookies, kiddo. Humans were meant to die, otherwise the earth would be overpopulated with them. That’s the decree of the gods. The gods only let Untanapishtim live forever because he was pious and stuff.

GILGAMESH
… You know, you like kind of familiar…

UTANAPISHTIM
You’re not quick on the uptake are you? You’ll figure it out by the next
tablet.

Monday December, 19 2005

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 9

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 10:45 am

It looks like we’ll have all of Gilgamesh done for the Holidays.

Tablet 9
Gilgamesh mourns some more and then leaves to find the Secret of Immortality.


GILGAMESH
Oh, woe is me! I can’t believe that my dearest friend is dead! Oh woe…hey wait…that means I’m going to die someday too! I don’t want to die! I knew that whole bit about death would be important!

GILGAMESH worries about DEATH for a while.

GILGAMESH
I guess I’d better find Utanapishtim; he survived the Flood and is known to possess the secret of living forever.

And so GILGAMESH set out on his journey to find ETERNAL LIFE despite a fragmented ominous dream and something involving two lions.

GILGAMESH
I think I killed two lions. Eat your heart out, Hercules!

GILGAMESH travels over some important names until he reaches MOUNT MASHU

MALE SCORPIAN BEING
I guard the Road of the Sun; you’d think I’d have a name. All Humbaba guarded was a Cedar tree and he had a name, and seven cloaks! I need to call my agent! Anyway, hey honey, check out the god thing coming towards us.

FEMALE SCORPIAN BEING
He’s two thirds god, but he’s one third human, dear.

MALE SCORPIAN BEING
Hey, there, why are you here?

GILGAMESH
I’m looking for Utanapishtim so I can learn the secret of eternal life.

MALE SCORPIAN BEING
It’s really dangerous.

GILGAMESH
I can handle it.

MALE SCORPIAN BEING
No really, it’s dangerous.

GILGAMESH
Don’t care. I don’t want to end up dead some day!

MALE SCORPIAN BEING
Ok, you nut.


GILGAMESH travels the ROAD of the SUN; the path the sun takes through the NETHERWORLD. Needless to say it’s REALLY DARK!

GILGAMESH
I can’t see a damned thing. Screw symbolism, someone get me a match!

GILGAMESH travels TEN LEGUES in TOTAL DARKNESS. It’s all VERY SYMBOLIC. He finally comes out to see the SUN RISE and finds himself at a JEWELED GARDEN.

GILGAMESH
You know this is all kind of blinding after having walked through ten leagues of darkness.

Friday December, 16 2005

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablets 7 & 8

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 11:26 am

I’ve got a bonus for you today, two Tablets for the price of one!

Tablet 7
Enkidu bites the dust.

ENKIDU has a rather disturbing DREAM that he promptly tells GILGAMESH


ENKIDU
The Gods were having a council and…

GILGAMESH
They decided to explain why they want me to be gay?

ENKIDU
No, they decided that since we cut down the Great Cedar, killed Humbaba and killed the Bull of Heaven I have to die.

GILGAMESH
Oh, well … wait just a second there!


ENKIDU falls sick and lingers for TWELVE days. He spends all of it CURSING and then BLESSING people and things.

ENKIDU
Damn wooden door! Damn Trapper! Damn Harlot!

SHAMASH
You know if it hadn’t been for the harlot you’d never have gotten together with Gilgamesh.

ENKIDU
Oh right, Bless the Harlot! Bless the Harlot a lot!


ENKIDU also spends a bit of time DREAMING.

ENKIDU
We haven’t had a dream in a bit so yeah, Gilgamesh, I dreamt that a monster attacked me and you wouldn’t help me.

GILGAMESH
Dude, I love you like a wife, why wouldn’t I help you? I’ve been sitting by your bedside these 12 days!

ENKIDU
La La La! I can’t hear you! I curse you with my dying breath!


Somewhere in a BROKEN off piece of TABLET, ENKIDU dies.

GILGAMESH
NNNNNOOOOOOOO!

NARRATOR
It says here that you moan like a dove.

GILGAMESH
… wah!




Tablet 8
Gilgamesh mourns

And so ENKIDU died and GILGAMESH spends some time telling everything to mourn him.


GILGAMESH
May the pastures mourn you, and the Cedar Forest, everything mourn Enkidu for I have lost my lover.

NARRATOR
Umm, it never actually says that…

GILGAMESH
I loved him like a wife and now I cover his face like my bride!

SLASH FANS
And why doesn’t this have a place on Fanfiction.net?

GILGAMESH
Make my friend an expensive statue to honor his memory. I’m going into mourning.

GILGAMESH casts off his REGAL FINERY and dons ANIMAL SKINS.

GILGAMESH
Are these the actions of someone who’s lost a mere friend? I think not!


GILGAMESH wanders off into the WILDERNESS to mourn for an UNKNOWN number of years during which he gets rather SCRUFFY LOOKING.

GILGAMESH
That’ll be important later!

Look for the last three Tablets next week and then after that it’s back to Monkey King!

Wednesday December, 14 2005

Lack of Time

Filed under: General — makani @ 11:53 am

I’ve been busy with meetings and all kinds of seasonal goodness this week and it only looks like it’s going to get worse and by worse I mean more festive by which I mean I will no time for anything except baking pies, cookies, and scones and attending Seasonal Celebrations.

Not that I mind attending celebrations (or baking for that matter). I love free food and I love hanging around with people and since all the parties I attend are low key happy events along the lines of: “Hey, welcome! EAT EAT! Oh, and make small talk about the weather, or work, or interesting talk about general stuff, EAT!!!” I’m game. It’s just that all of this takes up a lot of time and there are plenty of other projects that need my attention. I will attempt to make good headway since I have a nice long break from work coming up.

Not to mention that J is still sick and I’m doing my best to take good care of her. I’ve also managed to get her hooked on Warcraft III! Not all if it, so far, she’s just hooked on the map editor.

And the reason for no Gilgamesh today is I was at a meeting in town until 9pm last night and because of the icy roads out in the County it took me a good half hour to get home. All who know me also know that I am a grandma in my sleeping habits and go to bed around 10pm so I can get up bright eyed and busy tailed at 6am. (This never works but that’s beside the point.) So I had no time to make a page or get the Tablet HTMLized.

But instead of Gilgamesh you got an update on my life! Aren’t you happy?
So yes, hopefully I will be able to get enough time tonight to get another Tablet ready for posting but I’m afraid I can’t promise anything. Oh, I failed to mention that I got a GameCube for Christmas which is one more reason I don’t have time for anything. Mmmmm GameCube….

Enjoy the season or at least enjoy the seasonal food.

Tuesday December, 13 2005

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 6

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 10:31 am

Rejoice for there is another Gilgamesh Handbasket! It’s been a busy week but I have two more Tablets ready and the other three should be easily finished and after that I’ll just have to get you all some Journey to the West.

In other news I had the most wonderful breakfast this morning. Yum!

Tablet 6
Gilgamesh pisses off Ishtar


GILGAMESH
That was fun, killing Hambaba and all. I’ll just clean myself up a bit.

ISHTAR, Goddess of Love, catches sight of Gilgamesh all decked out in his ROYAL FINERY.

ISHTAR
Damn, Gilgamesh, you are one hot hunk of ancient Mesopotamian love.

ENKIDU
That’s what I’m saying.

ISHTAR
Come live with me and be my love and we will all the pleasures prove.

GILGAMESH
Wrong poem.

ISHTAR
Marry me, big boy, and I’ll give you all sorts of gifts. Your herds will be plentiful and people everywhere will bring you stuff.

GILGAMESH
No way! You’ve killed or cursed all your other lovers! Besides, I’ve got Enkidu.


ISHTAR goes to her father ANU and pouts about GILGAMESH.

ISHTAR
Dad! Gilgamesh was mean to me!

ANU
You started it. It’s all true besides.

ISHTAR
Dad! That’s not the point! Give me the Bull of Heaven so I can kill Gilgamesh!

ANU
No, not unless you’ve made sure that there’s enough food for the people to eat. The Bull of Heaven will cause seven years of famine.

ISHTAR
Oh yeah, that’s all set.

ANU
Alright, be home before 11.


ANU gives ISHTAR the BULL OF HEAVEN. SHE leads the BULL down to the earth.

ISHTAR
Hell hath no fury, you know.

The BULL OF HEAVEN snorts, creating a huge pit that swallows 300 young men and ENKIDU up to his waist.

ENKIDU
Now that’s not good. Best put a stop to this.

ENKIDU jumps out of the pit and starts to fight with the BULL.

ENKIDU
Hey, Gilgamesh! I’ve got the bull by the horns, come on over and slay the thing, will ya?

GILGAMESH
No problem.


GILGAMESH slays the BULL OF HEAVEN.

BULL OF HEAVEN
You know, seeing as I was supposed to cause 7 years of famine and killed 300 men by snorting twice I die pitifully easily.

ISHTAR
No fair! He insults me and kills the Bull of Heaven!


ENKIDU tears off the hindquarters of the BULL and flings it in her FACE.

ENKIDU
Oh stuff it! If I could get a hold of you, I would do the same to you.

ISHTAR
You’re just jealous that I’m the prettiest.

ENKIDU
Talk to the hand.


ISHTAR gathers up her cultic women and mourns the BULL. Meanwhile GILGAMESH and ENKIDU hold a happening SHINDIG.

Saturday December, 10 2005

The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 5

Filed under: General, The Epic of Gilgamesh: Handbasket — makani @ 10:43 pm

Ok, more Gilgamesh. There won’t be any tomorrow, just so you know. Even snarky people need a day of rest, (or a day to work on the Journey to the West handbasket.

Tablet 5
Gilgamesh and Enkidu throw down.

GILGAMESH and ENKIDU stand at the FOREST’S edge.


GILGAMESH
Wow, that’s some kind of Forest there.

ENKIDU
Now you know why it has a capital F.


THEY start cutting down trees and HUMBABA comes out to see what all the noise is.

HUMBABA
What’s all the racket? Hey, I thought I told you kids to get off my lawn!

ENKIDU
Hah! You can’t threaten us! The two of us can take you!

GILGAMESH
Dude, that was my line.

HUMBABA
Gilgy, old friend. The Gil-miester! You aren’t going let this nobody tell you what to do, are you?

GILGAMESH
I’m supposed to love him like a woman…

ENKIDU
Can we get off of that already? The epic has homosexual overtones, we get it, let’s move on!

HUMBABA
Why, I ought to feed your flesh to the screaming vultures, the eagle, and the vulture!

ENKIDU
So, screaming vultures and vultures are two different birds then?


GILGAMESH is frightened by this and runs and hides.

GILGAMESH
He has a scary face!

ENKIDU
Dude, why are you hiding, weren’t you just telling me to be brave? I’m sure Shamash will help us!


And so GILGAMESH and ENKIDU fight HUMBABA. It is, of course, an epic fight, which means it took a LONG TIME. SHAMASH gets impatient.

SHAMASH
Oh, come on, you two can’t do a thing on your own can you? Fine, I’ll send thirteen winds.

ENKIDU
Thirteen?

SHAMASH
Yes. Southwind, Northwind, Eastwind, Westwind, Whistling Wind, Piercing Wind, Blizzard, Bad Wind, Wind of Simurru, Demon Wind, Ice Wind, Storm, and Sandstorm.

ENKIDU
I’m fairly sure some of those are the same thing.

SHAMASH
Shush!


The THIRTEEN WINDS trap HAMBABA and GILGMASH gets ready to kill him.

HAMBABA
Please don’t kill me! I’ll be your servant! I’ll cut down the trees for you!

ENKIDU
Don’t listen to him!

HAMBABA
Shut up, Enkidu! I should’ve fed your flesh…

ENKIDU
That’s enough repetition for one Tablet, thank you.

HAMBABA
Tell Gilgamesh to spare my life!

ENKIDU
Kill him or the Gods will be pissed.


HAMBABA makes one final bid for freedom, which of course fails. Seeing he is going to die, like all good epic villains, he utters a CURSE.

HAMBABA
May Enkidu not live the longer of the two of you!

ENKIDU
Umm, Gilgamesh, what are you waiting for? Kill him!

GILGAMESH
Sorry, thought he should have his last words. They’ll probably be important later.


GILGAMESH kills HAMBABA and like a good epic hero, cuts off his HEAD. THEY then proceed to cut down some trees, including the GREAT CEDAR.

ENKIDU
This will make a great door for the Temple.

GILGAMESH
Sounds good. Let’s get going, I’ll just hold this bloody head aloft.

ENKIDU
Wierdo.


THEY set sail for HOME.

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