The Epic of Gilgamesh: Tablet 2, Enkidu and Gilgamesh Throw Down

GILGAMESH has told his DREAMS to NINSUN; meanwhile SHAMHAT takes ENKIDU to live with some SHEPHERDS.

ENKIDU
This is pretty great digs, food to eat, wine to drink. You guys just rest Iíll take care of the lions and wolves and things.

SHEPHERDS
Yay!

And so ALL WAS WELL until a man came complaining about GILGAMESH.

TRAVELER from URUK
Gilgamesh is a great king and all but heís going to sleep with the women before their husbands do! Or something like thatÖthe writing on this tablet is pretty scanty. I mean. I don't get if he's supposed to or not but... yeah... he's sleeping with the destined wife before her husband!

ENKIDU
Thatís outrageous!

SHAMHAT
This coming from a man that spent six days and seven nights having sex.

ENKIDU
Never mind that! Iíve got to get to Uruk and put a stop to this!

SHAMHAT
Not really sure why, but whatever you say.

And so ENKIDU travels with SHAMHAT to URUK to try and stop GILGAMESH from proving to the world just how straight he is. ENKIDU stands in front of the doors to the wedding chamber.

ENKIDU
Stop right there!

GILGAMESH and ENKIDU fight an EPIC fight. Doorposts are shattered; the ground is torn up, whole nine yards. Eventually GILGAMESH manages to throw ENKIDU.

ENKIDU
I say, good bout there, my friend.

GILGAMESH
Quite. Letís be companions from here onward. You must be the man Iím supposed to love.

They KISS and EMBRACE and become friends.

GILGAMESH
Thank goodness this epic is so hard to read otherwise the fan girls would have a field day with this.

ENKIDU
Ancient Babylon slash would never make it on Fanfiction.net.

In a rather sudden CHANGE OF SUBJECT, GILGAMESH has some more dreams.

GILGAMESH
Hmm, Ninsun seems to be out. You want a stab at them, Enkidu?

ENKIDU
The gods have given you a lot, just not eternal life. Be happy with what youíve got my friend.

GILGAMESH
I bet that will be important later.

And then ENKIDU starts to cry for some reason.

ENKIDU
Oh woe is me!

GILGAMESH
Gee, whyíd you get so emo all of a sudden?

ENKIDU
The city is boring! I need some action.

GILGAMESH
Ok, how about we go and cut down the Mighty Cedar that Humbaba is guarding?

ENKIDU
But his roar is a Flood, his mouth is Fire, and his breath is Death!

GILGAMESH
Sounds fun. Iíll have some special weapons made.

GILGAMESH takes ENKIDU by the hand and shows him a magic axe, some sword and armor. Unlike most epics, we don't get a LENGTHY DESCRIPTION.

ENKIDU
I still think this a bad idea. Hey, you Elders, talk some sense into this guy!

GILGAMESH
You were the one saying that you were bored with the city!

ELDERS
You are young at heart, Gilgamesh, but this Humbaba, his roar is a flood, his mouth is fire...

GILGAMESH
And his breath is Death, yes I know, weíve covered that already. Iím going to go anyway.

ENKIDU
You are insane, you know that?

GILGAMESH
Whatís crazier, me going to chop down a tree or the gods deciding that I need to love a man like a woman?

ENKIDU
You know, I think you may be misunderstanding that part of the epic.

GILGAMESH
When you learn how to read cuneiform, get back to me.