GILGAMESH
May the pastures mourn you, and the Cedar Forest, everything mourn Enkidu for I have lost my lover.

NARRATOR
Umm, it never actually says that…

GILGAMESH
I loved him like a wife and now I cover his face like my bride!

SLASH FANS
And why doesn’t this have a place on Fanfiction.net?

GILGAMESH
Make my friend an expensive statue to honor his memory. I’m going into mourning.

GILGAMESH casts off his REGAL FINERY and dons ANIMAL SKINS.

GILGAMESH
Are these the actions of someone who’s lost a mere friend? I think not!

GILGAMESH wanders off into the WILDERNESS to mourn for an UNKNOWN number of years during which he gets rather SCRUFFY LOOKING.

GILGAMESH
That'll be important later!