His pants are pants. They're not negligée!
-Chae on Xellos' pants.
Ranma: What is this? A riddle?
Kuno: No. It's a cute dollie.
We're on the side of the Buffalo, it's
the people having sex with the Buffalo that we have
a problem with.
-Robin (out of character on a story)
Revenge is a dish best served with a
side of obsession and a nice tall glass of spite.
I could be covered in clue musk, in
a field full of horny clues, doing the clue mating
dance, and still not get a clue.
You may be proud, I have a pot-holder.
We're so thingied, we're thingied.
-Jemma on the Joys of late night
Bev: I want to see this new wardrobe
too, but for different reasons.
Shelly: Bev's just curious. Adina's Adina.
Chae: She has adulterer motives.
-On Jemma's new wardrobe
Come back and eat your cookie like a
-Akane to Ranma
It was taunting me with its unmovingness.
Shelly: It was a good night had by all.
Tory: And now it will be a good coffee had by me!
-On staying up late and the morning
If my food gets an auspicious luminosity,
I want an auspicious luminosity too! Dang it!
-Shelly, food, and way to much
Journey to the West
One of the evil thingies of the thingy.
-Jemma, early morning English
Shelly: And at the end of any anime
someone is NAKED!
Chae: And if they're emerging from a giant eyeball,
so much the better!
-Endings of Anime
I can't put the thingy in the thing-thing...
-Bev on setting up her computer
- the Thingy that started it all
I had the uneasy feeling that a duck
was sneaking up behind me.
I thingy a lot too, but I don't thingy
enough to cause quotations.
-Shelly on Jemma's over-thingying
I was going to clean my room, but then
I got industrious.
Akio doesn't have any pants of his own,
he steals everybody else's.
-Shelly on "Utena" pants
He blinds you with the flash from his
camera and then steals your pants.
-Chae with more on the pants
The health of my watch is at stake!
Yes! I have made a statement, without
- ow!OW!OW! ID IN my hip! OW! ... As I was saying
- ow! Trying to recover my lost dignity, failing miserably
Shelly: I have a silly spot, and her
name is Chae.
Chae: If I had a silly spot, I would
call it Chauncy!
-Yes, it's late.
When the immovable force meets the irresistible
object...then we have an interesting problem.
You two are more twisted than a pair
of slinkies, you know that?
Some people just won't perk. It's very
It's hard to be evil when your pants
are falling down.
I would be on a bagel and I would be
some really tasty stuff.
-Jemma's a melt
Hide me! Save me! ... Where the hell
is my chapstick?!
Oh my gods that's a huge knot...oh wait,
that's my bicep.
Jemma, my darling, my love, my life...get
on the bed, would you?
Damn you both! You tricked me into incriminating
This minion has bruised knees.
Watch it, or you'll get the Faulkner
-Jemma and the substitute common
Oh, the smiley-face-looking thing is
actually a hamburger!
American Association Against Acronym
Abuse Regional Group Headquarters / Staff Transport
Office Pool (AAAAARGH/STOP)
Some people have a genuine gift of poetry,
a way with words that surpasses beauty and touches
the deepest parts of one's soul... and some people,
Chae: The Vulcans are insane.
Jemma: The Japanese are insane too, if it makes you
feel any better.
Chae: No, they're just copycats, with weird grammar.
Jayla35chu: What's a nad?
x Unnie Bunnie x: It's the sound a dern makes when
it's stepped on.
Jayla35chu: lol I didn't know derns made noise.
x Unnie Bunnie x: Well only if you step on them.
Jayla35chu: I've never stepped on a dern, I don't
x Unnie Bunnie x: Normally they just sit there and
Jayla35chu: Tend to scuttle out of the way then?
x Unnie Bunnie x: Well every now and then they stare
and forget to blink and they're antenna's don't pick
up people coming and they get stepped on and
then they "nad" up a storm!
-Typos and the joy they give.
Shelly: The Squeaky Mallet of Common
Sense has been lying under my altar. So that
means its now a consecrated squeaky mallet.
Kevin: Common Sense and the smiting power of your
Vinny: All in one neat easy to carry package.
Suzanne: (pause) Uh-oh.
Shelly: I want that in a D&D game. Squeaky Mallet
of Common Sense and Smiting, +5. I could
do double damage against the non-believer.
Vinny: You do realize that you and I are the only
ones left who worship Isis don't you?
Shelly: I worship Thoth. I think I'm the only one.
Vinny: That means everyone would take double damage.
Shelly: Yep. I could travel the world.
Vinny: You are one scary bitch sometimes.
-It's long, but I like it.
Don't invoke the Butter Cookie. It's
a bad idea.
"C" is for Chauncy and that's
good enough for me! "C" is for Chauncy
and that's good enough for me!
Oh, "C" is for Chauncy and that's good enough
for me! Oh! Chauncy, Chauncy, Chauncy starts with
-Chae, she filks even in silly
spots. Isn't it wonderful?
Shelly: I love you, Bev.
Bev: I love you too, you sick fuck.
Why am I forever single? I'm easy and
I like sports.
Vinny: Ok, now I want everyone to feel
the dimensions of their auras. The texture,
the color, the flavor...
Kevin: (firmly) Chocolate!
-Why our coven patron is Pan
I don't believe I know the proper etiquette
for speaking with the toaster.
You know how men work? Ready. FIRE!
Somewhere, just out of sight, the dust
bunnies are gathering...
-Check behind the computer desk.
She's a worse Catholic than I am and
I'm a pagan!
Silly Shelly! Milk is for non-lactose
A giant spongecake...that's better than
a hole. $10 million dollar spongecake....
Can it be chocolate?
-Shaun, on the big dig.
[A computer is] like an Old Testament
god; lots of rules and no mercy.
That Deck Of Many Things comes in handy...except
the time I lost my soul...(quickly)I got it back!
This is our coven god. He's having a
bad hair day.
Undocumented features: Same bug wearing
a hat and a tie.
Damn Scottish bats!
-Shaun on Dire Bats
Teachers are teachers 'cause kids are
A picture is worth a thousand words,
except on the internet, where it takes longer to get
a picture than it does to get a thousand words. I
wish web designers would remember this.
It's starting to smell a little like
danger in here, or heavily fried food.
"The Amazing World of Carbon Nano
Tubes is now playing..."
-Over heard on a loudspeaker at
the Museum of Science.
There's this marvelous sense of security
every few hours, when I remember that, yes, I HAVE
fixed my pants.
Well, I'm blood sisters with her blue
-Bev, after Jemma slapped a mosquito
I've lost my handcuffs! I'm so upset!
Shelly: I'm contemplating taking the world by storm.
-After school plans.
It's a wonderful integral!
-Glen's response to "It's
a Wonderful Life"
Just in case anyone wanted to know about
the state of my ear cavities.
Curse those evil octopi!
-Genma (Ranma 1/2)
Yeah...There's a regrettable lack of
wild crazy sex going on in my head.
You're going to meet a gentler, fuzzy
kind of math.
And you sell cranes, so you are a classy
-overheard at a stationary store.
I've received many excuses for late
homework over the years. My dog is sick...my
car broke down...my elephant ate my homework...
Would you like a side of physical torture
with your angst today, sir?
No, I'll just take the purely psychological special.
Oh, very good choice sir, it will be ready shortly.
-Shelly on angst
Shelly: These pants make me look fat.
They do. Look at my ass.
Jemma: Wow, Shel, I am entranced by the fatness of
Shelly: Who let the players out? Ow!
Ow! ow ow ow!
Bev: Don't make me slay you with your own metal sword.
If you keep them at their maximum freshness
they'll stay good for a while, but if you don't refrigerate
them they'll go bad...they'll start to smell.
-Bev on mercs
My gods, they're so ugly! They are;
look at the pale scrawny preppy boys!
-Jemma on the Backstreet Boys
If Julie has a half a notch left she
can't go at all because the other half is the residue
that the car saves for its own nefarious purposes.
-Glen on cars
The whole point is to build a car that
goes from 0 to 60mph in as a short a time as possible...before
it hits the tree and goes back down to 0.
-Glen still on cars
Brad: This is the face of the enemy!
(Throws down a plastic Tinkerbell statue onto the
John: And it looks like the enemy has been chewed
-Magic and Witchcraft class
Sitting Across from me is that strange
creature Homo Thesis. Half man, half theory.
-From a Darwin special on PBS
Bev, stop it, just stop it. They're
nasty, they taste nasty, you're some form of couch
fungus, now stop it!
-Bev on potato chips
...the worst sprawl ever. See look,
my pinkie is in my ear, come on!
I regret that I have only one imaginary
life to give for my plotline.
-Shelly's dying continuity demon
You shouldn't have been able to see
the pattern in the original table. If you did
you would have been very strange ...or me.
This is no time to worry about... ---
Where are you going, Dad?
-Shelly gets distracted easily
Oh my god, it's a dog! I thought it
was a fluffy walking footstool.
I think it's sad that when I was little
the things I desired most were stuffed animals, and
now the things I desire most are weapons of mass destruction.
Dog-gone motorized dragons.
-heard at King Richard's Faire
It doesn't need to be spiked. It's tea,
it all depends on what leaves they put in!
Right now, my shoulder is looking at
my ear like, "Hey, baby!"
You don't need more than one person
to have a sex life.
You're discorporal, you're not allowed
to corporate. Stop!
It's like the dance of Shiva. There's
good news and there's bad news.
-Bruce, that's putting it lightly
Some really groove on the psycadellic
spots on the butterfly wings...
I'm not pagan, I'm just desperate.
Exponential functions? Bacteria growth!
In your ear!
You do realize, I think you have me
right where I want you.
We wouldn't be here if it weren't for
an oxygen producing algae that wiped out most of the
life on Earth. So next time you see a blue/green algae,
We don't need to sacrifice hoopoe, after
all, that's why we have children.
I could do so many weird things to you,
it's wonderful to contemplate.
-Jemma is messing with Bev
That's why I wanted to crawl into Bev's
hood. I'm lookin' at it, and I'm thinkin', "Boy
that looks comfy."
Be joyous or I'll tickle the crap out
It's not possible to be mellow in a
college that has Betsy Sherman in it.
Jemma...my love...my darling...my rose
in a garden of evil...DRINK THE GODDAMN COFFEE. I'll
get my own.
Sweet Christ on a cracker. Flying Lizard
Snack Bar Girl!
To these bacteria you and I are lunch.
...You three will stay here and fight
the Battousai, I'm going out for a cappachino.
-Shishio, Kenshin dub outtake.
Only because I love you, you freak!
Chae: What's wrong with your mouse?
Shelly: It's misbehaving.
Chae: Out of Cheese error?
-AIM, 12 midnight, and Terry Prachett,
gotta love it.
I have to commit Hari Kari just because
that pun was so bad. I have shamed myself.
-Shelly after Monkey King worked
his way into a Darwin paper, on Septik art.
Wading through Mervin Peeks' writing
style is like wading through molasses...very rich,
very dark, very gothic molasses, but molasses nonetheless.
Close! With the non-no longer open!
Tory: I slept fine, except I started
to late and ended to early.
Shelly: I know dresses like that, they start to late
and end to early.
-It's way too early in the morning.
That is a happy pothole.
I'm swimmin', in the water, and I'm just gettin' deeper.
And I'm gonna break your axle.
-Jemma on potholes
That is a poppy hothole, isn't it! ...I
just said that was a poppy hothole, didn't I? ...no
more talking for the Bev-bev, it never works out right.
-Bev, misreading the previous quote
Until we have no idea who borrowed from
money who first? Who money, who borrowed, oh
shit I give up.
The dining hall is just one giant exponential
zoo, isn't it?
You wouldn't be Shelly if you weren't
It was a quote. It was a great quote.
I said it was a great quote and then everyone promptly
The great evil orange juice empire!
Fuck you, I am not a sexy bitch!
Jemma: Bev, what is up with this? You
keep on clogging...
Bev: Ummm, I have very oily aura?
When I come home the bunny looks at
me and says: "Damn! You're one fuzzy bitch!"
He feels intimidated by my overfuzziness.
You will not fuzz me, woman! I am immune
to your fuzziness! Back!
So for a while, when you were studying
trigonometry in Arabic, you were studying boobs.
-Glen, It's a long, long story.
Student: So what's cosine then?
Glen: The Alternate Boob.
-My math class rocks!
It was raining; it was cold; the field
was sopping wet; I got booted to the head; we lost...God
it was good! That's soccer for ya!
Neither are they moist, and I'm pretty
sure they're not orbish.
-Shelly on her non-heaving bosom
Shelly: So how are you?
Jemma: Aside from the screaming terror...Fine.
You're a home for wayward meeps.
-Jemma on fish
No letters of the alphabet were harmed
in the making of this example.
I brought my colored chalk today, so
be prepared for a multimedia extravaganza.
Jemma: Did you bring your notebook?
Jemma: (disdainfully) Oh you, idiot!
-On the way to LARP
How did I get this job? Oh yeah, I created
myself, my mistake.
-Jemma on the Goddess
You're driving on the highway heading
for the funny exit cause you think you might make
it with this much gas but you pass right by funny
and head towards scary...there goes scary on your
right and you're headin' towards disturbing and Mister,
you might just keep going with as much gas as you
I would kill you, but it would be too
much trouble to resurrect you.
Jemma: What'ssss in your pocketsses?
Shelly: Junk. Precious.
Some of these things are a caption short
of a Farside calendar.
-John about witchcraft propaganda
Chae, you do not have permission to
torture me for all wrongs committed. You are
not the Karma Police!
I'm editing an evolution paper; the
only sex I'm having is DNA reproduction.
I'm clinging to St. Peter, cleaning
the Lamb with a toothbrush.
They're going to beat the shit out of
me for telling you this, but you can come see me if
you want. Just have to find a cat or a hare to ride
on. Hopefully no one will turn your body over, 'cause
then you'll die...let's hope that doesn't happen.
-Brad, on when we could see him
after class, (in the style of the NightRiders)
Shelly: In this case, not only is Good
smart, Good's pissed. Good's got a double-bladed claymore,
don't fuck with Good.
Jemma: How is Good enjoying her double-bladed claymore?
Shelly: Good can't lift it.
It's like a brownie raped a cookie.
Feels good - yummy rape.
-John on the fudge brownie cookies
I can't call down the Warrior of Light
to fight the forces of Evil and her son, and wash
tables at the same time. I'm just not that multi-talented.
That look Wayne gets where he's smiling
at you but he's really banging his head on the desk.
Just glaring balefully from the region
of your groin.
Fisher: ...Since I'm not a convicted
child molester, it should be okay.
Shelly: (thoughtfully) One of my gym teachers was
a convicted child molester.
Tory: ...And Shelly enters the conversation with her
-Shelly's just good like that
Shelly: I don't think you can have sex
24/7, you'd fall over.
Caroline: (on another topic, we're pretty sure) I
don't know, Lucky and I tried once. After
three hours, it just gets boring.
Shelly: Have you tried chocolate?
-oy the dinner conversations
It's not a phallic symbol so much as
a screw symbol.
-John on a ship in the Transformers
This, is a hoof. That,
is your crotch. You, are a moron.
Ow, hot candlewax BAD. ...Yes, so next
time you're involved in a pagan ritual, ladies and
gentlemen, DON'T WEAR A SWIMSUIT.
This is blood sugar sex magic.
-Jemma about cocoa
Shelly: No, Drew is a nice man who's
never used his genitals on me. His genitals are in
no danger from me.
Tory: And since you are equivalent to ducttape...
Shelly: On genitals, yes.
Jemma: I threaten your soup with my
Jesse: I threaten your cocoa with my sandwich! Hah!
Shelly: Children, children, the cornbread hath come
You built an addition to your closet;
you have a walk-in now.
If we come into her nursing home Shelly
will be layething the smackdown upon us!
It's sort of heading off at right angles
-Glen on the Squareroot of -1
Well, he exposed his works to the world.
-Glen on Archimedes
It's not a trick...it's cow art.
Glen: Choose any point on this graph.
Rachel: Bottom right!
Glen: Not that one. Ok, choose a direction.
Ete: Diagonal right.
Glen: Not that way.
Can we do this on our own? Do you want
some overhead markers so you can taste them too?
-Glen, don't use your fingers to
erase the overhead....
Shelly, I don't know how, but you just
made your cat pop.
Hi fiddle de de, it's a Raptor's life
Everyone's staring at you wondering
why Robin's suddenly stable.
-Shelly, the Inn at the End of
Chae: We could play pin the tail on
Jemma: What jackass would you be looking at?
Robin: (to Soren) What jackass AM I looking at?
Soren: That's what I thought.
(Chae's Father walks past)
Bev: Hi! I'm eating your nuts! .... Wow!
-Bev, on pistachios
Evil may be an exaggeration. She's simply
an instrument of mayhem.
The gargoyle feels the sudden urge to
take control of the world with a mischievous grin.
I gotta pet you, my little wideload.
-Nick on Smokey
Bev, David Bowie is a little Mountain
Wow, it's the most beautiful shade of
dark that I've ever seen! Look at all the dark!
Thank you, I try to appall whenever
-Bev, "Entering Beverly..."
Shelly: I think the Navahos did that
Jemma: Passed on Judaism through their mitochondria?
-Honestly, it did make sense at
We can start a conundrum circle.
I think you should have your work back,
so you can treasure it, or have a ritual burning.
If your ship never comes in, you have
to swim out to it.
If I did that the Lady would kick my
ass six ways from Sunday and back to Peru. And then
up and down the coast of New Zealand a few times for
I have seen Bhudda. And he said to me,
-Jemma as Kang Ta
He moves...He basically moves like a
fifty-year old sex kitten on tranquilizers.
It's the Underworld Railroad.
-John, on devils fleeing from the
Midwestern town that banned Satan.
There are two kinds of curves, happy
I'm basically RPing a Drow Paul Voice.
(Brad walks in with a stack of photocopies
on his head)
You know, I did the photocopying for today, but I
don't know where I put it..."
-Brad's so silly
What? Did someone write sucker on my
back, on wait, it's on my front!
Yanyingfeng: Good Shelly.
Yanyingfeng: Virtuous Shelly.
Yanyingfeng: Dutiful Shelly.
Jayla35chu: *starts tossing immortal peaches at Lao
Yanyingfeng: Funny Shelly!
-On an FWT project
Go ahead, you puny mortal!! Don't you
know I hold your fertility in my hands?!
Pray to the God of Small Noses.
No, I'm going to ponder this new taste
sensation until I achieve enlightenment.
I'm sure you're well aware that you
have the Glomp that glomped Manhattan coming to you,
so I won't remind you.
Kevin: OHHH! A Virgin! What's a virgin?
Suzanne: If you don't know that...
-No fear, he was looking at guitars
See that, how many 2nd level Wizards
would charge into battle with 200 Goblins! I
Fluffy...it's a perfectfuly adequite
name for a horse...a gay horse.
At some point, in every artist's life,
comes the sad realization that she can't actually
draw a horse.
You stay right up there, you majestic
creature of the wild. I am not dinner.
-Shelly upon confronting a mountain
Ommmm. The Goddess is a kiwi.
Ommmm. But She wants to be a strawberry.
Ommmm. She's basically a fruit salad.
Ommmm. We always knew the Goddess was a fruit.
-Monkey the comedian
Shelly: Why am I discussing the breasts
of ancient queens?
Jemma: ...'scuse me, Tori, you have to get up again.
Shelly: Fuck me!
-Another quote in so many minutes
Dammit, did I quote again? I'm not even
Ok, let's begin...What is a straw hat?
-Paul Voice, starting a "Philosophy
of Love" Class
An instance of strawhat-hood.
We're in trouble if love needs diagrams.
-BlackArrow listening to the class
That's enough about the use of love
in our life. Let's get back to straw hats.
-Paul, it's the straw hat of love!
Mickey Mouse can bring you to tears,
love, joy! You can love Mickey Mouse.
My brain is sautéed tofu.
We need to get on the Ladder of Love.
Does it represent a triangle upstairs?
This particular zebra exemplifies zebraness.
This is a life time of study to figure
out what Plato is saying. We can do it in ten minutes.
They become...fal..falsi...they become
-Brad has trouble with spelling
One thing that paradigms do...is rescue
a professor when his mind goes blank.
Just say no to Paradigms!
Do they laugh? Do they cry? What's a
Paradigms favorite color?
I have a pencil! I have a pencil! Like
a ferret on ecstasy.
Leathan: I finger...I finger...
John: Finish the sentence man, don't stop it there!
-that could go so far, so very
Look at it this way, your sinuses taste
like cherry now!
Q...between r and s. Or wait...
Erotic phenomena. That should be the
word of the day.
-Shelly is reading philosophy
When did erotic pneumonia get in the
-Shelly's only dyslexic when she
We took care of God. God's gone.
What the hell is going on here?
-Paul, the teacher in philosophy
This urge to merge.
School could foster creativity, and
certainly not maul it like a grizzly bear on a honey
ham the way it does now.
He's called Frederick the Wise, but
really he's Frederick the Not Very Savvy.
Suppose that you have the belief that
Brittany Spears is a good singer. Now you discover
that this belief has been artificially instilled into
you. You still wanna groove to the music, right?
Oh, did we say heretic?! Saint! We mean
My braids have yet to attain consciousness
I'm not telling the truth here, I'm
trying to muddy a pool.
How do you make chicken stock? You take
a chicken and you stock it!
-Shelly at age ten
Glomp monster: Glomp, gloooomp, beibee!
Shelly: Oh no, it's the Touga glomp demon! BAM, BAM,
You know it can't be good when you walk
in and all of your allies are lying on the ground
out cold and bleeding.
-Aoshi from Kenshin
Does that mean I can order them to rise
up slay the masses? Dude, get to work!! ... Fuckin'
I feel loved and aspirin-fed!
Help!! It's a lustful spoon!! Get me
out of here!
Meep nothing, sad pagoda.
I ate a lot of food. So now I'm fat.
So that was rewarding!
The God. Damned. Lesbian mosquitoes
are out early!
Okay, there's a glade, now what's the
difference between a glade and a grot?
Hold on, let me look it up in my illustrated book
of romantic imagery!
When it came to message, Wordsworth
was kind of a one-trick pony.
Like most eighteenth century art, the
heroic couplet tends to be a little bit anal.
The purpose of philosophy is to corrupt
I hope you're starting to get confused.
Our capicity for self-abasement is limitless.
This will not solve your confusion.
This will describe your confusion.
You're thingyfying yourself.
I am suffering from acute depression.
I am the sad blob in the Zoloft commercial.
I like eating my meals in a wang free
You start identifying who's come into
the room by how the springs squeak.
It should be a general rule that you
don't fuck your friends.
That girl knows seven languages and
she can't say no in any of them.