Shelly: Plato. It's all about Plato, isn't it.
Jemma: And eating it when you were six years old!

Clinging to reality as much as possible, unwilling to let go of the fact: a mature Rincewind, it rolls off the tongue.
    -Shelly's having trouble again

Nick: It made me so angry that now I'm gonna go home and fuck John in the ass!
John: So sit at any other table you like!!!

Hey, no fair, I was just struck by astral celestial lightning that was meant for you!
    -Shelly

My womb is a hotbed of goulash.
    -Shelly

I'll forsake my orange. But still have my legs and my soul!
    -Drynlin

Life is always simpler when you're chained to a wall.
    -Jemma

You guys shouldn't leave me alone with a library. It's just not right.
    -Chae

Socrates: Red is a color, right?
Other: Yes.
Socrates: Blue is a color, right?
Other: Yes.
Socrates: Therefore, what you just said about the deep inner meaning of love is wrong.
Shelly: What crack are you smoking, you stupid fuck!
    -Shelly will never be a philosopher

Shelly: I need to get a new tip for my cane.
John: Yeah, one with a wider barrel.
    -John was using the cane for a bazooka

You can put a turd in a Snickers wrapper and it will taste a little nutty, but it will not be a Snickers bar.
    -John with another nugget of joy.

And I swear my life doesn't revolve around the bed, but...
    -Erin

I don't remember seeing unicorn scrotums.
    -Helen

Shelly does not slash anything shorter than she is!
    -Shelly on Shotacon

My shoulder gently, tenderly glomps your breast.
    -Jemma

They were like slingshotting your little brother into a wall: not a good idea, probably wrong, but a lot of fun.
    -John on watching the Rush-hour movies

Are trying to make me shove my chapstick up my butt?
    -Jemma

My center is a comphy smug ball of pun.
    -Jemma

Shelly: Hi Mom, I pierced by Libya.
John: You pierced that poor little country?

...but if you publish a book with your name Michelle Ann blahblahblahblahblah fuckin' Fleming; I will not make it past the first 15 pages without crying.
    -John likes "Shelly"

You get too many people together...they start having wild parties and pretty soon the king is beheaded.
    -Brad on Revolution

It's not necessarily hell, but it'll help you believe.
    -John on London

Jemma, every plant has five leaves where I come from, they're just all on different stalks.
    -Shelly's from the city

It's not this surrender...this passion...it's about what are doing on Thursday night?
    -Paul

Well it depends on whether you're God.
    -Paul

When he pulls it out he becomes powerful and he takes his clothes off.
    -Sheera

It's the supersized Oedipal complex, It's the extra value meal of Oedipualness.
    -Paul

Cassie: You're the one with the Manifesto.
Paul: Yeah, but it's about Cheeseburgers.

And of course Socrates always gets the boy in the end.
    -Paul

And that's why all of this philosophical gymnastics.
    -Paul

When you really start to deconstruct Greek Philosophy you start to realize that these guys are from outer space.
    -Paul

But the carrot is in your heart.
    -Paul

There are plenty of carrots in the sea.
    -Paul

You go to lunch, you have your raw carrot, appetite to object good, proper and appropriate.   Crunch.  Joy.
    -Paul

There's so much stuff in here and its so hard to interrupt you can just make it up.
    -Paul

The artist ponders the asthetics of her porn.
    -Jemma

I assume that the words "Fuck me, Nick," somehow seems to imply consent.
    -Nick

Yeah but if you're cut in half, which half does it flash in front of?!
    -Jemma on Shelly's life flashing in front of her eyes

The Han imagrated from the North, up there, behind the TV.
    -Janice

Yes. Because I am politcally correct, I will be juicier and taste even better, because my juice will be pure and untainted by injustice.
    -Bev on an orange sporting a "War is Terroism" pin

You're hurting her boobs now? I thought I was the only boobs you would hurt!
    -Megan

...Another reacharactering occurrence.
    -John

Yes you did! You put the napkin on the Hulk!
    -Megan

I have 23 cans of Mountain Dew, a PS2 and a comphy chair!! Who's gonna stop me?!
    -Nick

Jemma: That was a hiccup!? It sounded like the mating call of a dying space thing.
Mike: Otter.
Jemma: Space Otter?

I've got boobs and I didn't come equiped with an AC and a DC.
    -John

I have nothing against bread, I just don't want to drink a loaf of it.
    -Cassie on Guiness

If you kick me, do I not scowl?
    -Nick

Disturbed now, getting cookie!
    -Cassie

When it comes to my homosexual relationships, I'm a slut. Bong!
    -Nick

Cassie, the Anti-Glomp.
    -Nick

Oh that was great! Jemma - "Loot at the pretty flowers!" Cassie - "They're going to die!"
    -Nick

Nick: If you do anything to the moon I will see that the rest of my life is devoted to your suffering!
Cassie: I'm down with the moon, the moon and I are homies!

There is a rather elaborate battle going on for the glompership of my head.
    -Nick

I designed my website with Notepad. I don't need l33t speak to know I'm l33t.
    -Cassie

I just received friendly fire from a chocolate bar. Oh damn and I just quoted.
    -Jemma

The thing is; I'm here to corrupt your mind, but sometimes I corrupt your soul.
    -Paul

He can clean the cum of a gay man from the pillows and mirrors of my home! What better torture for a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
    -Shelly on Bush

Mariah: This play is wonderful, you're gonna love it. This woman is cynical, she's twisted, she's a bitch, and then she kills herself.
Nick: So basically, it's Sylvia Plath's biography?

It's an emergency glomp.
    -Vanessa

My toe is like: "Oh my God! I'm all by myself!"
    -Megan

You need someone to be honest with you in your life, besides your mom.
    -Kayone

Did anyone find that interesting? ... Did anyone find it?
    -Paul

That's because you two are one amorphous entity. It's not even Jemma-and-Shelly, it's like Shellijemma! Shellijemma Flemingmayer.
    -Nick

You guys are basically emotionally fussed on the synaptic level.
    -Nick

Sarah: Do the Newsies end up unionizing?
Sally: They end up singing as I recall.

Arnold Schwartzeneger really is a cream puff.
    -Sally

Why don't we keep upping the stakes? How many children do we want to involve?
    -Paul

This promiscuous confessing.
    -Paul

How do you prove you love yourself? Do you buy yourself a Playstation?
    -Paul

Haha. You think I'm mad, don't you?
    -Paul

All this class and reading have done is to show you what a mess things really are.
    -Paul

I give God blowjobs.
    -Shelly

You can tell which god Shelly worships: He's the one with the smile on his face!
    -Shelly

Nick: You give God blowjobs? I'm your god! Why haven't I received any of this?!
Shelly: You're Esahme's God. Esahme will give you a blowjob. I'll go get her character sheet, don't get any paper cuts.

So, if you give God blowjobs, does that mean that you're in possession of Godhead?
    -Nick

My whole life has been God spanking me, okay?
    -Nick

So, are they burning Fels down, or...?
    -Nick right after announcement of large Campus Clean-up Day

I have to have incentive to be a bunny.
    -Shelly

Although, the cucumbers of my childhood did not spit golden goo.
    -Shelly

I'm not giving up on eternal damnation for a humidifier!
    -Nick

If it's brown, wet, and bubbly, I don't care.
    -Paul on beer

So that's Hume. He never married, but in his autobiographical notes he says that he enjoys the company of modest women ...or..wait... that modest women enjoy his company?  Or something like that.
    -Paul

A contractual agreement for the use of each other's genitals.
    -Paul

There is no ought for the zebra.
    -Paul

It's spiritual masturbation.
    -Penn

Artist "grr!" Character- "Nyaah!"
    -Jemma

So what's the difference between an omelet and a person?  It's fluffy, its cheesy...well so are people but not too many people come with mushrooms.
    -Paul

It's a vortex of tasty goodness.
    -John on his bag of chips

I always thought it was kind of disturbing that you were eating candy out of someone else's mouth.
    -Vanessa on Pez

I am vengeance and wrath with a lisp.
    -Nick

I don't care how pagan you are, your Goddess appearing to you as big-ass kiwi will mess you up.
    -Shelly

No, the money clip is just for rich people to say. "Look, I'm so rich, I can hold my money together with my money!
    -Penn

Wise and powerful? No, he looks lost in his wig!
    -Jemma on Merlin Ken

You are a lovely young woman, but if Nick was trying to sneak into your bed at night it would be because there was a Neverwinter Nights expansions pack under your pillow.
    -Cassie

It's like watching a pelican falling love with a killer whale.
    -John

Jemma: See, even he's eating a sandwich.
John: I was - the day has sucked the flavor out of the peanut butter.
    -It's a bad day

It's obvious that little boys want to have sex with their mothers, moving on...
    -Jeremy on Freud

It's death or marriage and it's basically the same thing.
    -Paul

Or else we'd be like zebras. We'd all just eat and fuck.
    -Paul

Part of my job is to line up the little duckies.
    -Brad

Jemma: Paul Voice is a kitten.
Shelly: With big philosophical fangs!!

Bev: Philosophy and Portuguese cock.
John: Philosophy and he needs cock?

There's so many fun words in here, like "weird shit", "octopus"..."spawn"! Spawn of a three legged octopus!
    -Tess

Here, Mr. Squirrel! Have some Cyanide! It tastes like bananas.
    -Shelly

All right, I'm getting up, and I'm going. ... Don't rush me.
    -Shelly

There's something wrong in the world when saving the world starts to look more and more like the Kama Sutra.
    -Shelly

He smells Lilies of the Valley and it smells like a rotting woodchuck or something.  
-Chris

Just the way he's always near swooning from the intensity of his passion.
    -Chris on Romance poems

Chris: That's like the highest compliment you can pay an Elizabethan sonnet.
Student: It's like rough sex?!

Whatever there's a dirty meaning in John Donne, you're right to guess it. He was a very healthy boy.
    -David

A lot of writing is like sex with an optometrist. Do you like it better this way or this way?
    -David

Rhyme, meter, etc, are chopped meat to occupy the watchdogs of the left brain so that the poet can sneak into the house and not TAKE the silver, but LEAVE it.
    -David

Teaching great poetry is like having a class in sunsets.
    -David

The worst that can happen is that you're wrong, in which case, as I used promise my children, I'll pound you into the ground like a tent peg.
    -David

Waiting for a metaphor is catching a bus in Greece, if you're in a real hurry you can call a simile and it will take you right there.
    -David

One of the teachers of my acquaintance once remarked of a smart-ass student, "A spark of genius - water it!"  
-David

There's more to life than mitochondria's, that's what I keep saying. And people say, "What an odd thing for him to keep saying."
    -David

Student: How's the other class going?
David: It's like teaching pigs to sing. You're wasting your time and annoying the pigs.
  -On a "Writing Boot Camp" class

Grief counselors tell people how to feel. Before they just felt sad. Now they feel sad and guilty.
    -David

Having painted herself into a corner, she did the only thing she could do. She flapped her arms very hard and flew.
    -David

Writing a pastoral is like catching an alligator with a telescope, a matchbox and some tweezers. You look at the alligator through the wrong end of the telescope, grab it with the tweezers and very quickly, before the alligator bites you, you stick in the matchbox and close the lid.
    -David

England, an entire country as a casino!
    -David

Student: How many languages do you speak?
David: One, barely.

He usually starts out unapproachable, and progresses to cranky and irritable.
    -Hannah

As they say in the herring business, I am not my brother's kipper.
    -David

The great thing about being a king is, you never have to touch a doorknob. I find this very soothing somehow.
    -David

I remember most of the French Kings in order, I just forget when they happen.  Phillip, Louie, Louie, Phillip, Louie, Louie, Phillip, Louie, Louie, Charles. That's about 150 years of French Kings right there.
    -David

I think all Christians are slightly puzzled by you know, one, three, there's a difference.
    -David

How many Olaies are there to get oils from?
    -David

Leave thy foolish ranges. This is something you say to the Marlboro man to get him to stop smoking before he dies of cancer and his horse does too.
    -David

Poems should be better than the footnote and better than the epigraph.
    -David

When I'm really bored I sit around and say 'wasps sting'. It's very entertaining because you have to say so many different 's's.
    -David

The way to read Richard Crashaw is to understand that this guy hasn't got all his oars in the water, but the way he makes the canoe go in spirals is rather entertaining.
    -David

The other thing that's entertaining is to sit around and say 'Toyota Tacoma' five or six times. It's just soothing.
    -David

I will tell you this adjective, so you can drop it at parties and people will think, "What an extraordinarily cultured young person."
    -David

What we have here is torture that's cute.
    -David

Women don't sweat, they glow, but she was glowing a lot.
    -David

There's a whole lot of depression still around, I mean less than psychotic, there are some people who just kind of mope for 20 years.
    -David

Children can be, for up to 30-40 seconds at a time, rather fetching.
    -David

A garden is nature that has been fussed with. Nature that has been subjected to an idea.
    -David

...The mythology...which is what we call any religions that we don't agree with ourselves...
    -David

Why do these people - 'Slavitt is coming. We must send him to a dean's office. We must harry and annoy him.' In a former life I must have annoyed some beggar, committed some relatively minor sin, and now I'm paying for it by being sent to deans' offices.
    -David

I don't want crocodiles weeping over me, except that 'Damn, he got away.'
    -David

At my age, I have discovered that there ARE no grownups. There's no such creature! There's just creaky children.
    -David

Yeah, I have two of them, one is eighty and one is eighty-four, but they're both going on two.
    -Shelly's mom on creaky children

You know your marriage is working when you run out of bayleaves or something like that - I mean it only happens every two years. And if you run out off turmeric, you're probably on your fifth or tenth anniversary.
    -David

You ever been in an arboretum where all the trees are labeled? And of course there's all the labels in Latin... You know what I want, I want them to have the labels that just say, 'Tree'. 'Bush'. A little arrow pointing up with 'Sky'.
    -David

I'm a member of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Tofu.
    -The ASPCT, David?

...and I invite you to consider this: if you're on a synchronized swimming team, and everyone drowns, can you keep going?
    -David

You all know what carpe diem is. It's the day we have fish.
    -David

Don't shake your mitered locks and stern bespeak at me, young woman!
    -David

...full frontal nudity. And sidal and backal, which you don't hear so much about.
    -David

Stephen Sandy is not the type of guy who would SINCERELY have a flamingo in his yard.
    -David

What can you do in a society when we're, you know, we're beyond chia pets.
    -David

One muffin to rule them all, one muffin to find them?! One muffin to bring them all and in the darkness...
    -Nick

I don't wanna know why they're talking about bondage muffins.
    -Shelly

I'm not a freak, I just impersonate orcs really well.
    -Hannah

The lifted arc of Jemma's eyebrow tells me I just got quoted in the wrong way.
    -Nick

Nick: This is like... Aragorn/Sauron slash.
Hannah: Nice image! Deleted!

I stapled my thumb once, it was very irksome.
    -David

On the Cape, whenever it rains, people go out to buy baskets of rose hip jelly. I don't quite understand why this happens, but it does.
    -David

Chae: What? Are you playing Lacrosse.
Shelly: Yes, we're playing Lacrosse with the cold, someone's going to end up with a broken leg shortly.

Strongbad is like a the collected works of Shakespeare, but I don't think Strongbad ever did anything as bad as Macbeth.
    -John

So Shakespeare invented Mary Kate and Ashley?
    -John on 12th Night

I guess there's no armor class big enough to protect against a glomp.
    -Cassie

God's girlfriend melts into a little puddle at his feet.
    -Cassie

You just ownzored my sock, the least you can do is let me grab your butt.
    -Jemma

Can we get the discussion out of my crotch, please?
    -Nick, no we can't

Just because it's the end of term doesn't mean you can make consequenceless passes at me!
    -Nick

Your big fat Portuguese woman cock?!
    -Nick, Shelly said a funny thing

You can carry a wooden spoon with your cock?! That's okay, I can carry STDs with mine...oh wait...
    -Nick...

My Portuguese woman cock is prehensile, yes.
    -Shelly, now there's a scary thought

Just put it on my Karma card.
    -Cassie on shopping in the Astral Plane

There's something in the cereal that causes all this fertility. Lord knows.
    -Brad

Where you learn things, be one with the frogs.
    -John on the Muppets and Sesame Street

What lesson did I learn? It doesn't pay to be too timely.
    -Janice

Dead Revolutionary finger painting.
    -Cassie

Email me of you're ever behind a plow.
    -Janice

Graar, AOL is 3v1l. No way. AOL isn't cool enough to be 3v1l. It's just evil.
    -Cassie

P33r the wrath of my pants!
    -Nick

Satan's got your flaccid penis? It's flaccid, it's erect, it's flaccid, it's erect, either way Satan's got it!
    -Jemma with hand motions

That's it. You know, your nose imploded; we can't be friends anymore.
    -Cassie

Whoo, it's getting hot in here, someone's got pants on!
    -Shelly

Shelly: I'm just not cut out to be a hermit.
Chae: That's right! Because a hermit is a cookie!

Fuck philosophy, just be five.
    -Bev

That's the danger of being around you, Shelly.
    -Bev, on quoting

Now Hannah can give Shanti some, because I'm not sticking my finger in Shanti's mouth.
    -Bill

Goats have pretty good attention spans, especially when they're eating your shoe.
    -Shelly

Ph33r my l33t n1nj4 r3sum3 sk1llz!
    -Cassie

Peggy: Val Kilmar that's under the river that's freezing cold for like nine minutes and when he finally comes up he goes PWAH...ah...hah... And your going: Yeah right, your heart rate's slowed down, because you were almost frozen!
Hannah: ............It could happen!

Liz Coleman is a pokemon, all she says is community. "Commune...Commune...CommunITYYY!!"  And her attack will be the Administrative Red Tape of Doom.
    -Shelly

We're using the fruity artist sense of the world rather than the real meaning. Basically we're ruining the English language, that's what we do here at Bennington.
    -John

Those things are really cool. We live though them, we interact with them...we kill their populace.
    -John on video games

I want life to stop looking like a suspense anime.
    -Shelly

Fish and Horseshoe crabs...we have our own buffet.
    -Shelly on code words

If someone was walking around in my head right now and they stepped on something, they'd look down and be like, "Um, what is this?" And I'd be like, "Sawdust." And they'd be like, "Since when is sawdust small, chunky, and shaped like little pink elephants?" And I'd be like, "Since I'm sanding down my sanity."
    -Bev

Your two sitting actions are sitting with your knees together and your feet apart, or sitting with both legs to one side. It is XTREME SITTING.
    -Max on PSO

I have just significantly bruised my armpit.
    -Jemma

Vita: I see. Needs tastefulness. Tastefulness missing.
Chae: Please install.
Josh: Drive Error.
    -on La Blue Girl of all things

She's nice? For an alien?
    -Chae

Yeah, he caught me under my jaw. That was a good one. I smiled and then I punched him in the ribs.
    -Vinny

The first woman who saw me was the lesbian who pulled me out of my mother's womb.
    -Kevin

Hey, God? Cleanup on aisle five.
    -Kevin

Shelly: I've met God, I don't want to fight him.
Suzanne: Oh, no. It's not one of ours.

Nothing says sexy like a man with a veiny neck.
    -Kevin

I'll probably see him, turn bright red and mutter: "Thanksforhelpingwiththesoupohlookatthetimegottarun BYE!" and hide somewhere safe...safe from the scary philosophical Chinese noodle soup recipe.
    -Cassie

Whitey was cool. Whitey liked to bite Crissy. I liked Whitey.
    -Suzanne