Roleplaying and LARP Quotes: Page 1

Ummm...guys...I hate to bring it up, but what are we going to do about tall, dark, and hilly?

Come back to the farm junior, your Ma and I love you!
    -Cailie channeling Robin Williams

Robin: What are you talking about?
Cailie: Umm...Frogs!
Robin: Frogs?
Jaren (receiving a glare from Cailie): Frogs!
Cailie (satisfied): Frogs.
Robin (mournfully): Frogs?!?
-Cailie and Jaren to Robin while discussing Inishi

There are no frogs!
    -Robin, anytime frogs are ever mentioned again

Robin: Thank you, and if you ever touch this again, I will kill you.
Sion: You're welcome and I thought so.
    -After Sion brought back something of Robin's

Robin? Oh he's a demi-god.

Robin: You're blonde.
Sion: I am not a blonde.
Robin: You are so a blonde.
-On Sion's new hair color

We can discuss the ethics of socks later.
    -Joanna to Robin about his boots

Snore! Particularly LOUD snore!!
    -Jaren, "asleep" underneath a table

Vengeance Demon: Interesting...
Robin: You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means.
    -A fight with a Vengeance Demon (There was five minutes of laughing after this)

Yeah, Blankie.
    -Soren to Robin after Jaren translated their names into elf

Watch it, Daisy.
    -Robin to Soren again, after the translation

You ok?
I'm fine.
Fine fine or just Robin fine?
Robin: HEY!!!
-The players in a brief moment of out of character.

You ok over there?
Yeah, just bleeding to death.
Ok, just checking.
    -Another brief out of character moment on the status of the characters

What's my name?!
    -The mournful cry of anyone when confused with another character

Great, even Robin's gods don't know what gender I am!
    -Jaren after her vision quest.

We don't need curtains!
    -Plaintive cry of Robin and Soren

We're invisible, you CAN'T SEE US!
    -A constant catch phrase

That's why he wasn't there for it and I'm a manipulative bastard.

Guys, by the way, there's a dead body over there.
    -Bev with delayed information on the scene

Sion: Where's Soren?
Robin: He went swimming.
Sion: Oh so that's what they're calling it nowadays.
    -Poor Soren

Soren: Swimming?
Robin & Sion (too innocently): Swimming!
Soren: Swimming!?
Robin & Sion (Evilly): Swimming!!
    --Poor, poor Soren

Shelly: What's the Roleplay equivalent to Prozac?
Bev: A rock to the head?
    -On the angst and depression of the characters

You, ward. You, not here. You, sell yourself to me!
    -Shelly out of character trying to jump start a scene.

Damnit, man, I'm ticklish! If you're going to kill me, do it right!
    -Shelly after being stabbed in the side by Soren

So the Bishonen Elvan Knights of the Pink Rose Order are just going to walk through that door? Right!
    -Cassie in character to Soren

I'm never being a wench again!
    -Poor Cassie

They let people like you be mercs?
    -Cassie to Soren

Resar doesn't steal panties...Ow OW OW!

He's not a wimp, he just lives in crippling fear.
    -Jemma on Kaj

Len: Where's my niece?
Robin: Upstairs passed out in bed with a demon who's in the body of her former lover.
    -Jaren's going to have fun explaining that.

Of COURSE he's not a magic user; he's a basket-weaver!
      -Sion about Len

I don't think that dragon up there would just suddenly decide to go for an ice cream cone!

I have a bastard sword, son of a nugget.
    -Bev, on Bellin's sword

Shelly: Bev, get your hand off my butt.
Bev: It's the Reality Demon! It won't let go!

She is so just...moo.
    -Shelly on Aurora the dragon

Ari, I have a... WOW, this is a spoon. I have a mega spoon!
    -Robin and a really big spoon

I don't know her, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, personally.

So everyone, Drink!
Drink!  Raise your Glass high! It's great to be sober
'Cause there's no hangover
And now's the best time to get drunk!
    -Inishi's dare

Why do I feel the sudden urge to slay the roadblock?

You know, I feel really weird wearing Soren.

It's a...vaguely cow shaped piece of bread.

Jemma: Kaj is not a cat, if he is he's a half drowned scruffy kitten.
Shelly: I want to pet him and love him and call him George!

They are Shoujo bubbles! They're little gay shoujo bubbles.
    -Shelly on Malyn & Arlyn

Roth is a big fluffy ball of angst.

Xeriel: That's right, Inishi, you have to think!
Inishi: Well, that's not too hard for me.
Athame: Do you smell wood burning?
Xeriel: I smell something burning.
Inishi: I believe it's your last chance for survival.

You do realize I have all the subtlety of a rampaging horde of elephants, don't you?

You are evil down to the tips of your braids.
    -Cassie about Resar's costume

You know, the remedy to that is to turn your clothes inside out.

Do I have a brain? No, I have a Kaj.

Bellin is the most emotionally constipated character I've ever made up.
    -Bev, poor Bellin

Megan? I think the acting classes have been going a little too well.

Chae: Are these the explosives?
Shelly: No, these are the lifesavers.
    -Some of them will spark if you bite 'em.

She's so happy, its seductive.
    -Chae about Pek

Joanna: Why do my hands hurt?
Shelly: You were swinging on the thingy bad bad owie ow.
Joanna: Remind me never to talk with Bev's friends again.

I can get Inishi's goat, but this goat breathes fire and bites very hard.   I don't want this goat. I don't know why I keep trying to take it from her.

Just think of it as preparation for the real world.  You never know when the sorceress you're travelling with will turn out to be her own little brother or something.
    -Shelly on Bev's confusion about plot twists

How much money do you have?
    -Dermick, trying to sell an ivory and gold box.

They're all a bunch of gorgeous alcoholics!
    -Erin about the townsfolk

Tim: I'll give you a choice. The globe of daylight comes down and thousands of innocents die, or you get attacked.
Shelly: By lots and lots of goblins?
Tim: By lots of goblins.
Erin: Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
(Everyone eyes the double handful of dice tokens Tim is holding.)
Shaun: Bring it on.
   -Five against 200 and we won!

Just think, we're the only ones that made it.
    -Eleret on the prowess of our party, or lack thereof.

In the name of Larue, back you undead monsters!
Talk to the holy symbol, bitches!
    -Lenallin after rolling a natural 20 to turn undead.

Endaira gossips 'silly thief, mobs are for mystics'
    - Delise was killed again

Welcome to Stick in the MUD. Please do not feed the mobiles.

The roots and nerves still bleed from the stump of this great tooth. Warm and dripping with gore, this fang would make a great... PEN!
    -Items Desciption in the Last Outpost

We are all the pawns of our respective destinies
We are all the pawns of the DM, but that's beside the point...

Elf -- the other white meat.

Friendly fire is NOT fire that comes over and offers to shake hands. That is a friendly fire elemental.
    -F. Humorous-combat mage

No! It's MIST!
    -Shelly, you can't see through it!

Wow! Do not operate this animal under the influence of cough medicine... The gigantic humped back and head remind you of heavy construction equipment -- but why are the hind legs so small? The mammoth bonks you playfully on the head with her shnoz.
a wooly mammoth is unscathed.
    Creature Description in the Last Outpost

Damn, I wanna poke her, but I don't know which one is real...Damn those magic users!
    -Athame is drunk and seeing triple.

I'm a camel and I'm the only one.  I live in Shelly's head, and that's no fun.  She's psycho and she needs help
If you get this message, please let me out.
    -Shelly's camel's song

The Unknown Room!?!
Space -- the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise -- its continuing mission to seek out new life and new civilizations.... To boldly go... where no one has gone before....
    -Room description in Stick in the MUD

The Other Unknown Room
Cosmos -- the concluding boundary. These are the excursions of the Spacecruiser Establishment -- its lingering task to find out about fresh existences and novel cultivations.... And to intrepidly advance... where sparse inhabitants... have proceeded... ever.
    -Room description in Stick in the MUD

Slowly gaining the mental capacity of a cucumber...

I'm all about the macy macy hitty hitty.

Suffer 1d4 Sodomy damage.

Joanna? Joanna, watch the shirt, that's expensive...not the pants. *yipe!* Cold hands!

Do I want to use an ordinary throwing dagger, or show off my monk-y fitness?

You're fine, you're fine, you're fine, Alizdog you're not fine someone pass me a cookie.

I might as well summon a great black wyrm...cookie me.

Rises from the a very inept gruel phoenix.

The smoke curls into the words: P.S. Level One characters suck. Love, God.

One foot here, one foot here, shoulders back, head goes like this, suck my ass.

Most of those people are townspeople, they're level minus pi.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first Unnamed Roleplay convention. Please do not rush the stage, Chae will kill you.

Gnome: You're mother made this hat!
Alizdog: Give it back!
Tallic: What do you want with it?
Gnome: I have family...A big one.
Alizdog: I do too! They make hats!

Standing, sitting, jumping up and down, turning blue, damnit I have your nose and I will see this through!

You wanna play wack-a- ghoul?

You're the diplomat, I'm cute.

Did you ever picture a midget orc wearing a sash and a rackish brown hat?

Mom makes a heavy hat.
    -Alizdog, the hat was so heavy, we were delayed another day.

Pretty, cute, and clean.

Is it Alizdog's time of the month?

I have a newspaper for a head, give me some candy!

Tubby: Are you a good pickpocket?
Bianca: I'm an eight.

Joanna: It smells like rubbing alcohol and gasoline
Robin: Oh, it's Guinness

Congratulations. You're a chandelier pimp.
    -Ke'Eth to Arlyn after Rezar made it dance.

Now he's gotta go back to the mythology - well, of course he's gotta go back to the mythology, he's in direct connection with the dark gods, duh!
    -Shelly about Resar on explaining magic

Horse, your head is in the way of your bosom!

Rezar: Did you break out into hives?
Ke'Eth: No, I chased her all the way into town with a measuring cup.
Rezar:....And she's an arachnid.
    -Ke'Eth was allergic to his offspring's soup

God has another shot of tequila, becomes level 10!!

Shelly: (happily) It's the pointy pokey stick of much healy goodness!
Tim: (after a long pause) I don't know whether to give you exp or throw something at you.
Shaun: That was frightening, Shelly.
Jen: I don't know, it has a ring.
Shelly: Exactly! Just like the Wizard of up until recently one handed pointy, sharp, flaming death!
(long pause)
Shelly: What?
Erin: Go to sleep, Shelly. Go back to sleep.

I have a pick!! ... How do you spell pick?

Don't go the other way! They've got gruel, man! You can beat that.

Poor guy. I think I'll shot him again.

Dude! You're a sorcerer of pointy doom!

Nick: You may not want to sell the pearls, there's something waiting...
Deb: A giant clam wants them back!

You don't create a midget orc to make him a powerhouse.
    -John about Alizdog

Low-fat ghouls!

You're hiding in the shower, they're never gonna notice you.

That's what I like to call "savage beats".
    -Nick about crits

The rules of "Listen to the DM" are as follows:
1) Shut your mouth.
2) Stop making noise.
3) Give all your attention to the bald man with the chalk!
    -Nick the DM

A plague on both your testicles!

This is turning into a really bad anime.

May a bird of paradise fly up your nose!

Damn, you're one hiding bytch. No one ain't finding you.

Page scours for candy, finds a Jolly Rancher...

Place is bustling. It's like Fells on a Monday night.

Marius notices for the first time, Alizdog is prettier than he is.

The big lugubrious tubby behind the table.

Nick: The proprietor of the knick-knack store is a one-legged dwarf called Paddywack.
Jemma: Knick-Knack Paddywack?
Nick: He's patting his dog!
Jemma: Give the dog a bone? *groan*

We just create water and get somebody to bilge it!
    -Shelly, how to make bilge water

Dickenson was a gamer. Dungeons and Dickenson yo!
    -Nick about playing D&D in the Science Building

They are the pants of anti-dex!

Dude, you just tried to mount someone half your size!

The DM would just like to note that he hates his life.

I am the only person with a d3.
    -Nick, and he is!

I need some caffeine, and fuck I just broke the chair. Fuck me up the ass with a broadsword.

They shoot +5 skittles o' DOOM!

They will flee? They will not shoot? I like fleeing...

Pat the bodyguard, then kill everyone else.

Helen: Can you throw a flaming barrel?
Nick: Before or after it burns my arms off?

I like the fleeing. I really do! I think I should make them flee us.

I have enough comments from the blue-haired peanut gallery. Doom-de-doom that.

Four to strength, four to Con, dear gods this guy is a house.

So we stick to a really bad Band-Aid?

Nick: If someone rolled flaming barrels at Wooley, would you be surprised?
Helen: I'd just be like, "Damnit Lawson!"
Nick: Man, fucking Fells.

Brave lemmings.
    -Nick, people run from the camp into the fire

Leathen: Why do we look like a pagoda?
Nick: It's an oriental camp.

What are you gonna do, Head at him? Give the Drow HIV?

Come on, who wants to brush by the God of Death to get to the trashcan?

You and your motherfuckin' TrueStrike, I swear to god.

We're tearing through them like semi-tractertrailers through toilet paper.

Next up the stottering doddering Drow.

You are the scarist short woman I have ever known.
    -Nick to Helen

John: You'd kill the player?
Shelly: Yeah. No! Yeah!

Both Bush and Reagan are the exact same person!

Fuck the pit, find Cynthia Hornback.

Stupid fat monk!

I'm tiny. No air resistance.
    -Shelly runs fast

Atomic breath rocks.
Godzilla is the man, bitch.
Die, Terrasque fucker!
That was a haiku.
    -Bianca the halfling.

Oh wow! My entire force of highly trained orcish soliders has been turned into popcorn chicken.

Tricksy false Rangers!

Nick is unfazed by the ant saddle.

Nick: Your ex-boyfriend was a scaly biped with a spiked tail?
John: That's why she's asexual now.
    -Shelly's ex was a Tourask

I would be a flexiable Terisque.

DM may be God, but John is Godzilla.

John: He's like trying to shot a gnat with a shotgun.
Nick: who would shot Nat with a shotgun? *raises hand*
John: You shut up, Mr. I-hate-true-strike.
    -It started out talking about Godzilla

Not really knowing what to make of this killer football thing.

The lice are telling him to drop the bit elBOW!

The Terrasque just learned how to speak German. He just grabbed a speaker phone and was like "Ich habe mein leben.
    -Nick, the monster hates his life.

We'll dress them up like rice! You'll never see them coming! Do you really think the CIA will believe you were mugged by flying rice? It's flawless!

Nat: Are we being waylaid on the way?
Jemma: Waylaid by undead termites.
John: Undead termite bard bandits actually.

Jemma: God goes for the Oreos.
Nick: Got kinda likes the double filled Oreos.

Since when did fuckin' Emmanuel Kant start runnin' this roleplay?

I am immune to the fires of MindFlayers. Bring it on, you psyonic pussy!

Deacon: How do we get to the fortress in the sky?
Alizdog: The ants brought me these beans...

You'll notice that I botched my twist-Oreo roll.

Alizdog just Monty Pythoned the doors.

For the rest of the game, Talic will be played by the large black lump.

Free pinwheels with every insurrection!

Search check ... I lost my feet.

John: What's a goblinoid?!
Jemma: An Annoyed goblin.

There's standup snake comedy in the next room, Folks.

Nat: Oh, Bianca hates Deacon. He has shinies.
Bianca: He's a bitch! And he won't give me his!

You suck. Oh, I suck.
    -John has a proxy roller

Oh, they're the Aztec Drow.

I just turned a Chinese name into an English verb, try that!

You don't find anything else, that room is just there to fuck you up.

Threee! Oh, oh, oh, fooouur! ... Natural twenty! I crited!  I crited! *sings* Does the happy halfling dance!

Nick: One of the Golden Band is dead.
Helen: Is it Paul or John.
Nick: *looks solemn* It's Ringo.
Helen: *screams in agony* The short one died!
    -The Beatles meet D&D

Driderman, driderman.  Friendly neighborhood driederman.  Is is strong? Listen now - he's a radioactive Drow.

It's Spiderman VS the Spider from Hell! A great battle of spiderness!

Fifteen plus some ridiculous number.
    -Nat about Eshame's attack bonus

This is Tyler's Hotbed of Goulash!
    -John answered the phone

We bring the body home for them to bury, reverently...with small dents in the chainmail.