Quotes: Page 7

Cass: I'm all sunshine and rainbows, it's just the rainbows are made out of red, black and purple.
Bev: Like a bruise!

Cass: Machiavellian Long Table strategies.
Max: Does that mean that John is a prince?
Cass: Yes. John IS Machiavelli.

It looks more like a Jim Henson set than a meal...

To: Student. From: Financial Aid office. Subject: Bend over.

I love her and I care, but she needs to move on and get new sex.
-Dana on a friend who should break up

Cass: Satan drives a Dodge Spirit.
John: A Toyota Soul Collector!

That's right! It's a new term! Which means we start anew, with... newness.

Dick Cheney IS Scrappy Doo!

Your singing sounds more like a pack of demented Sea Lions...

One should never see the hind end of a lasagna.

Cassie: Someone said I look good in this hat and now I don't want to wear it.
Max: Why?
Cassie: The whole point is not to be stylish.
Max: You're in BENNINGTON! BEN-ING-TON! You could be wearing a...a..net...rotting octupus and people would be like: "Oh my God!! Can I have your autograph!? You're a Fashion Genius!

Dana: …I rest my case!
Cass: Consider it rested, but I’m not tucking it in!

Nick needs to come back. I’m quoting way too much this term because he’s not here!

Dana: So what do superheroes taste like, John?
John: Vanilla.
Dana: Oh. I’d have expected sweat and kryptonite.

You’re big, and you’re hairy, and you’re sweaty and you’re stupid! But if you wore Spandex it’d be funny!
    -John on Fight Club vs. Wrestling

My friend said that he heard a rumor that they were gonna make a Lord of the Rings car racing game – like Mario Kart. All I could think of for like 5 minutes was Gandalf going ahead of everyone and screaming "You Shall Not Pass!"

I’m afraid I’m gonna forget what you look like without the bandanna, and then you’re gonna take it off one day and I’m not gonna recognize you.

If mysterious Japanese songs showed up on your harddrive, would you automatically listen to them? They might summon Cthulhu or tentacle monsters or something!

Never ever get involved with sprites. Nothing but heartache and… strange hair.

So I held the bunny today, and just marveled and rejoiced in the fact that he wasn’t a tarantula.

You have the heart chakra, I have the belly chakra. It means that in my next life I will be a piece of chocolate. It will be a short, but satisfying life.

Artificial indemonation.
    -Penn, the ancient habit of blaming pregnancies on incubi

I wanna see Brad Pitt and the Hulk stuffed into a big hobbyhorse, and wheeled into Priam’s hometown.

A Valkyrie with the Horn of Gondor, yes.
    -Shelly on Georgian yodeling

It’s ideologically inconsistent for you to be both awesome, and smelly.

Shelly is the ruiner of worlds.

Isn’t Shoujo a hairstylist with a lisp?

Jemma: Aw, no Talic?
John: He’s like 8 billion Shelly! … Shelly has become a number, which apparently comes after 8 billion.

You don’t want to see most white people bald. There is whiteness to down fighter planes lying beneath America’s hairlines.

If I was only allowed to have one problem with Spiderman, it was that they dressed the Green Goblin up like the lost Power Ranger.

Jemma: It’s good having tentacles! I could grab that girl’s waterbottle over there!
John: And sodomize it.

Yes! I like pro-wrestling! Big, sweaty men in Spandex underwear do disgusting things to each other in public, and I don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of an erection in public! I’m heterosexual, and I love wrestling! (offers hand to invisible person with huge, beaming grin) Damn glad to meet you!

I challenge, I openly challenge Jon Irving to have ten druids follow him around singing Gregorian chants while he reads. This is for the concept of Imaginary Girlfriend, which I wrote first!

Shelly called on ME for lightening! There across the street was a car! Who but JohnZeus would do something like that?

I am the apprentice quotemonger. I dream of someday having my own pen.

I dislike what you say, so I’m gonna launch rice at my left hand!

To make me say "Gravity, insane!" you’d have to make me hover over a field covered with hashish that was on fire!

Noodles noodles everywhere, and not a pasta dish in sight...

Max: Nick, where did you get Jack Sparrow's voice!?
Bev: He bought it at CVS.
Chris: A vibrating slinkie!

Ryan: What good would that do? Instead of walking down the stairs it would do the rhumba!
John: Unless your hung like a Pringles can...

I met fanon Snape the other day...They put black hair on Tamahome and called it Snape. I swear he was going to bust out with "Miaka," at any moment.

Sometimes a bigger hammer is all you need.

Damned bloody softhearted openminded sensitive traumatized new-age-guy-mercs!

Well, grapfuiting the life out of him...