Cass: I'm all sunshine and rainbows, it's just the rainbows are made out of red, black and purple.
Bev: Like a bruise!

Cass: Machiavellian Long Table strategies.
Max: Does that mean that John is a prince?
Cass: Yes. John IS Machiavelli.

It looks more like a Jim Henson set than a meal...
-John

To: Student. From: Financial Aid office. Subject: Bend over.
-Max

I love her and I care, but she needs to move on and get new sex.
-Dana on a friend who should break up

Cass: Satan drives a Dodge Spirit.
John: A Toyota Soul Collector!

That's right! It's a new term! Which means we start anew, with... newness.
-Cass

Dick Cheney IS Scrappy Doo!
-John

Your singing sounds more like a pack of demented Sea Lions...
    -Arron

One should never see the hind end of a lasagna.
     -Jemma

Cassie: Someone said I look good in this hat and now I don't want to wear it.
Max: Why?
Cassie: The whole point is not to be stylish.
Max: You're in BENNINGTON! BEN-ING-TON! You could be wearing a...a..net...rotting octupus and people would be like: "Oh my God!! Can I have your autograph!? You're a Fashion Genius!

Dana: …I rest my case!
Cass: Consider it rested, but I’m not tucking it in!

Nick needs to come back. I’m quoting way too much this term because he’s not here!
    -Dana

Dana: So what do superheroes taste like, John?
John: Vanilla.
Dana: Oh. I’d have expected sweat and kryptonite.

You’re big, and you’re hairy, and you’re sweaty and you’re stupid! But if you wore Spandex it’d be funny!
    -John on Fight Club vs. Wrestling

My friend said that he heard a rumor that they were gonna make a Lord of the Rings car racing game – like Mario Kart. All I could think of for like 5 minutes was Gandalf going ahead of everyone and screaming "You Shall Not Pass!"
    -Max

I’m afraid I’m gonna forget what you look like without the bandanna, and then you’re gonna take it off one day and I’m not gonna recognize you.
    -Bev

If mysterious Japanese songs showed up on your harddrive, would you automatically listen to them? They might summon Cthulhu or tentacle monsters or something!
    -Cass

Never ever get involved with sprites. Nothing but heartache and… strange hair.
    -Cassie

So I held the bunny today, and just marveled and rejoiced in the fact that he wasn’t a tarantula.
    -Bev

You have the heart chakra, I have the belly chakra. It means that in my next life I will be a piece of chocolate. It will be a short, but satisfying life.
    -Cass

Artificial indemonation.
    -Penn, the ancient habit of blaming pregnancies on incubi

I wanna see Brad Pitt and the Hulk stuffed into a big hobbyhorse, and wheeled into Priam’s hometown.
    -John

A Valkyrie with the Horn of Gondor, yes.
    -Shelly on Georgian yodeling

It’s ideologically inconsistent for you to be both awesome, and smelly.
    -Nick

Shelly is the ruiner of worlds.
    -Max

Isn’t Shoujo a hairstylist with a lisp?
    -John

Jemma: Aw, no Talic?
John: He’s like 8 billion Shelly! … Shelly has become a number, which apparently comes after 8 billion.

You don’t want to see most white people bald. There is whiteness to down fighter planes lying beneath America’s hairlines.
    -John

If I was only allowed to have one problem with Spiderman, it was that they dressed the Green Goblin up like the lost Power Ranger.
    -John

Jemma: It’s good having tentacles! I could grab that girl’s waterbottle over there!
John: And sodomize it.

Yes! I like pro-wrestling! Big, sweaty men in Spandex underwear do disgusting things to each other in public, and I don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of an erection in public! I’m heterosexual, and I love wrestling! (offers hand to invisible person with huge, beaming grin) Damn glad to meet you!
    -John

I challenge, I openly challenge Jon Irving to have ten druids follow him around singing Gregorian chants while he reads. This is for the concept of Imaginary Girlfriend, which I wrote first!
    -John

Shelly called on ME for lightening! There across the street was a car! Who but JohnZeus would do something like that?
    -John

I am the apprentice quotemonger. I dream of someday having my own pen.
    -Cass

I dislike what you say, so I’m gonna launch rice at my left hand!
    -John

Noodles noodles everywhere, and not a pasta dish in sight...
-Jemma

Max: Nick, where did you get Jack Sparrow's voice!?
Bev: He bought it at CVS.
Chris: A vibrating slinkie!

Ryan: What good would that do? Instead of walking down the stairs it would do the rhumba!
John: Unless your hung like a Pringles can...

I met fanon Snape the other day...They put black hair on Tamahome and called it Snape. I swear he was going to bust out with "Miaka," at any moment.
-Shelly

Sometimes a bigger hammer is all you need.
-Ira

Damned bloody softhearted openminded sensitive traumatized new-age-guy-mercs!
-Jemma