I like the progress that
we're making on the cake, but there's still more work that needs to be done. I've got
plenty more cakes at home that I can't eat by myself, although I try.
I don't know where the cookies came from, but they're interfering with my
plans to bring the cakes through.
Your navel may be the most fascinating thing in the universe, but come out
of it once in a while.
Some anime characters should be neutered. It's like "Poof! Now you're
a Ken doll! Let's see you seduce freshmen now, Mr. Playboy!"
Would you like ice cream up your nose? It seems to make you feel better
-Ness to Nick
Why are you inching closer to him? Did he pay for the show?
-John to Ness, who's eating ice cream
It's like psychological Great-Cleave!
-Max on John's mass-cower-inducing
Max: You've temporarily ruined her grammatic facilities.
Max: You can't say facilities?
Max: Why not?
John: Because that's where you take a shit.
I'm going to CRY now. And then I'm going to stop, give you a weird look,
and then cry some more. And then I'm going to stop to give you an even weirder look before
crying even MORE. And then I'm going to jump out the window to end my miserable existance!
-Megan's reaction to the Touga glomp monster
I consider my computer an honorable rival, but my computer considers me a
jackass who should be screwed over as often as possible.
If you people at the Field Work Term office don't give me my Field Work
Term, I will 0wnz0r you all with fireballs.
All he wants to do is get down her biker shorts!
-Ness, Touga's intentions towards Utena
Head butt of love! Tough love! ...Sorry, did not mean to wound...
Batnose! Dananananananana Batnose!
-Cass and Ness in unison, it was scary
Cass: Which muppet would you marry?
Ness: Gonzo. He's totally pussy-whipped!
Excuse me, Ryan, what they just said completely overrode what you just
said. That Miss Piggy attempted to molest Kermit. Now, if you could please continue,
so I can wash that out of my brain...
Megan, you have no only broken my will to live, you have broken any desire
I had to speak ever again!
Ain't sayin nothin, nothin's what I'm sayin.
-Max on Bev's backrub
Apparently my subconscious is storing jerks for the winter
I dreamed I freezedried a whole bunch of people and stuck them in little
freezedry packets and then sent them off in a ditch, and then someone came along and
rehydrated them all, the bastard! It was very inconsiderate.
Ness, staring at Megan: What did Bev DO to you? When did you have sex and
if it was on my bed, I'll kill you BOTH!
Bev, staring at Ness: Whoa! What did - Whoa!!
I just hit things and run away when I'm angry.
No, I'm a pussy, YOU'RE a dick, because we are what we eat, n'est-ce pas?
-Nick to Bev
What is this regard for other people that you speak of? Can I buy it at a
store? Can I get it at a porn site? Is it spam?
-Max of Bev
Said the philosopher to the psychologist.
Philosophy and psychology. May you both kill each other. Leaving human
nature to liturature, the people who don't know ANYTHING about it.
I'm 5 ft 8 250lb. I grind ECC's bones to make my bread. ...no, John would
grind their bones to make his nachos.
Really?! I quote monologues?!
And "going down on the napkin" would be the phrase!
At this point, I figure I've not only lost my innocence, but it's three
months later and I've still failed to put up a poster saying "Lost, Innocence;
After reporting the loss of my sanity and my self-esteem and my will to
live, and I still haven't gotten them back.
Holly is in such a state of whatever right now that you could tell her
that you were going to shave chihuahuas ritualistically for a tribe of Maiori New
-Nick, Jemma's gonna get her FWT job
I haven't had sex EVER in 20 years, not that I was planning on it when I
was two months old...
No, bad Jemma, no one is fellating any recycled paper!
Cassie, come out of your hat right now!
It's gotten to the point with the puffy sleeves where I look at my own
sleeves and I feel inadequate.
I'm starting to feel sorry for Milerna - no wonder she wears so much pink,
she's got puffy-sleeve-envy!
A, I don't know what a prate is, B, what's your point, and C... what's a
Bev: I'd believe that! I was really gullible as a kid.
Ness: Bev, you're still really gullible!
Jemma: Nat concentrates on becoming one with the table.
Nat, forehead on table's edge: Feel the wood.
They're not even jugs, they were KEGS.
-John on someone's boobs
We have the weather channel in my house. The radar is my mother's savior.
It comes in with its green cape flying and my mother screams "WE HAVE RAIN!"
-Jemma, who said SOMETHING like that...
When I learned that a one-pound gerbil had been force-fed 50 lbs of Diet
Coke, I was neither surprised that a major corporation would do that, nor that Diet Coke
-excerpt from John's Taste the Wrong speech
You just turn a bottle of Diet Coke into a giant popsicle, hire a monkey
to beat the shit out of the gerbil until it eats it...
Winds will keep coming, waves will keep crashing, and walruses will keep
gnawing at your ankles.
The cupcake is only a frosting delivery vehicle.
Max: It'd be a ninja kung-fu sperm fight!
Nick: Inside Vanessa's womb, no less...
The testoterone in me has a man-crush on Soji!
Mother Nature's on her period.
Now I know what I'm getting Jemma for Christmas. I'm gonna get a really
nice pen, and I'm gonna soldier it to your HAND!
She thinks you're hot? Oh! She's a praying mantis. Ohhh...
-Max, the body language was lovely, too
I will beat you to death with my water bottle!
It's not jealousy, you understand. It's just the desire to beat someone to
death with a squeaky mallet.
I'm not going to protest the quote. I am a Zen quoter.
Is that peace of mind or is that basic arithmetic?
Daa, da da dada... Fuck.
-John's got a song stuck in his head
That's pain only Escher could understand.
Jessie has always been here. Which means that God was looking at him,
going, "How sad."
My sanity is in Cancoon. It sent me a postcard.
Ness: Jemma, we need to go into town and buy frying pans.
Megan: And lots and lots of duct tape. We'll just get lots of animal crackers, so they'll
at least have something to eat.
Ness: And then lock them in the closet.
-on capturing bishounen
John: If everybody had their own personal sound track, we'd be DEAFENED by
the sound of violins. Six billion of the smallest violins in the world.
Max: And you know some joker would pick the Song That Never Ends.
John: Except they'd play it with violins
Time snickers quietly, goes off to deal another hand of poker.
Vanessa is the best action figure ever.
I refuse to believe that Cupid uses arrows. He uses a mallet. A big,
heavy, metal mallet, and he sneaks up behind you and goes WHAM!!! And you sort of fall
over onto someone.
You have to fully contemplate what you say at this table before you say
it. Because if you trail off, you're doomed. You're like, so guys, last night... An
instant later three people jump in. You were eating a dead baby? You were screwing this
guy? You were shooting someone?
Trains aren't supposed to go meep, Shelly!
YES! I KNOW what I'm SAYING and you're all gonna LISTEN to me and think
-Cassie in class
Bastard evil dough snigh die!
-Bev was probably trying to tell the snow to die, but we'll never know
My hair really does do that by itself; it's straight down to here and then
it just goes WA-hah! With exactly that noise.
I have to be very careful about when I open my mouth because something
about oral sex might come out, and I have just learned to accept this.
-Cass, the Tao of quoting, coined by Max
I feel bad for bullseye. It's like "Yeah, I can piss my name in the
snow in sanscrit, but who's gonna win in a fight?"
-Who said that?
Fifth Element is like the Collected Works of Shakespeare compared to
You know what the first thing is I'm gonna do when I get back home for
Christmas? (longingly) I'm gonna be BORED! Oh, boredom...
Jack doesn't need his problems solved, he's a PIRATE! Pirates don't go to
therapy, and their therapists aren't waist-length-haired Mary Sues!
It rubbed against the bounderies of reasonably chaste in a very
I was just like, I must be gay, because I'm sitting here playing video
games while three scantily-clad women are snuggling on my bed.
No! I'm not quoting solid, I'm quoting mooshy!
All along the battlefield are restaurants and fast food joints as if the
Ilean were a food court...
This is my ideal seating, because I'm close to the source of quotes,
(points to Nick), close to the quote scribe, and close enough to John to hear the quoting!
I am as fickle as a Greek god. I have no other godly attributes, which
If I were Zeus, I'd have my own Malaysian factory full of goddesses...
She doesn't have bones, she has very strong saplings.
-Nick of Jemma's mom, the gardener
You can say whatever you want about each other's blowjobness.
...That didn't happen, so... wombats and flowers are fucking in the
Max: Does Jello have a soul?
John: Yes - and it married your mom!
Nick: Wait - Max's dad is Jello?!
Even PIE cannot slake the thirst of the savage beast!
Jemma: Because boys suck, apparently.
Ness: Actually it's more of a licking motion then a...
I don't want schitzophrenic cats, I want to go to a convent where there
are other hot chicks who wanted to go to a convent and we'll have a big nun orgy!
We have such deep psychological conversations at this table, it astounds
-Nat, having read the quote napkin
Don't you hate that first syllable when you realize no one's singing along
with you anymore?
Is Megan gonna pull a sword out of Nessa's chest? Can I watch?
HEY! Just because they're big doesn't mean they house a fuckin WEAPON!
I'm really not obsessed with Nessa's breasts!
Cass: Wow, it's a Nat! Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic Nat!
Nat: Jeez, where is he?!
Stop it with the grand sweeping orchestral swells, Danny Elfman!
Oh no, the Shemma critted on their saccharine check! I have to summon up
the DM's Kit of Diabetes to keep from passing out!
It's all about the snicker-snack, except this time the hideous
bandersnatch is the one WEILDING the vorpal blade.
I can't be scary, I'm too TIMID to be scary!
No, don't have a horrible terrible dry screw day!
Megan, you LIVE with me! You won't FIT in my pocket and I CAN'T put you in
the closet or you'll beat me!
Nick: What would happen if I made a belt with mistletoe on the buckle?
Cass: Good luck with that.
John: I guess whenever two midgits walked through your legs they'd have to kiss.
Ness: Cassie, your boobs are sexy!
Megan: Yeah, you do have a nice rack.
Cass: Um.. Um... I.. I think I need to go get spaghetti...
You should've seen the Bull of Heaven's tapdance. In Gilgamesh the
Fear the power of my macedonian king! Fear the HORSEpower of my macedonian
-Shelly's car is named Gilgamesh
The thimble was a marvelous invention, and I think that the person who
invented it should be given oral sex. Preferably while they were alive.
Strider would not wear 160-dollar hiking boots from Columbia Sportswear!
Legalas would, because he's the kind of nancy-boy who pays attention to the footwear
issue, but not Aragorn!
I'll just put down the shovel, climb out of the hole and put my clothes
back on. Now I'm muddy and embarrassed.
I wonder what kind of resume you have to write for the Borg.
You know what I have learned? Philosophy and lust are completely
You have the turning radius of a Mesapotamin King.
Yes, but your glomp monster is chronically depressed.
Look! It's jello you can wash with!
Being as I just erased Saionji out of existance, I think I'm rather proud