I like the progress that we're making on the cake, but there's still more work that needs to be done. I've got plenty more cakes at home that I can't eat by myself, although I try.
    -Mark

I don't know where the cookies came from, but they're interfering with my plans to bring the cakes through.
    -Mark

Your navel may be the most fascinating thing in the universe, but come out of it once in a while.
    -Stephen Bach

Some anime characters should be neutered. It's like "Poof! Now you're a Ken doll! Let's see you seduce freshmen now, Mr. Playboy!"
    -Cassie

Would you like ice cream up your nose? It seems to make you feel better sometimes.
    -Ness to Nick

Why are you inching closer to him? Did he pay for the show?
    -John to Ness, who's eating ice cream

It's like psychological Great-Cleave!
    -Max on John's mass-cower-inducing

Max: You've temporarily ruined her grammatic facilities.
John: Faculties.
Max: You can't say facilities?
John: No.
Max: Why not?
John: Because that's where you take a shit.

I'm going to CRY now. And then I'm going to stop, give you a weird look, and then cry some more. And then I'm going to stop to give you an even weirder look before crying even MORE. And then I'm going to jump out the window to end my miserable existance!
    -Megan's reaction to the Touga glomp monster

I consider my computer an honorable rival, but my computer considers me a jackass who should be screwed over as often as possible.
    -Max

If you people at the Field Work Term office don't give me my Field Work Term, I will 0wnz0r you all with fireballs.
    -Jemma

All he wants to do is get down her biker shorts!
    -Ness, Touga's intentions towards Utena

Head butt of love! Tough love! ...Sorry, did not mean to wound...
    -Cassie

Batnose! Dananananananana Batnose!
    -Cass and Ness in unison, it was scary

Cass: Which muppet would you marry?
Ness: Gonzo. He's totally pussy-whipped!

Excuse me, Ryan, what they just said completely overrode what you just said.  That Miss Piggy attempted to molest Kermit. Now, if you could please continue, so I can wash that out of my brain...
    -John

Megan, you have no only broken my will to live, you have broken any desire I had to speak ever again!
    -Cassie

Ain't sayin nothin, nothin's what I'm sayin.
    -Max on Bev's backrub

Apparently my subconscious is storing jerks for the winter
   -Cassie

I dreamed I freezedried a whole bunch of people and stuck them in little freezedry packets and then sent them off in a ditch, and then someone came along and rehydrated them all, the bastard! It was very inconsiderate.
    -Cassie

Ness, staring at Megan: What did Bev DO to you? When did you have sex and if it was on my bed, I'll kill you BOTH!
Bev, staring at Ness: Whoa! What did - Whoa!!

I just hit things and run away when I'm angry.
    -Ness

No, I'm a pussy, YOU'RE a dick, because we are what we eat, n'est-ce pas?
    -Nick to Bev

What is this regard for other people that you speak of? Can I buy it at a store? Can I get it at a porn site? Is it spam?
    -Max of Bev

Said the philosopher to the psychologist.
    -John

Philosophy and psychology. May you both kill each other. Leaving human nature to liturature, the people who don't know ANYTHING about it.
    -John

I'm 5 ft 8 250lb. I grind ECC's bones to make my bread. ...no, John would grind their bones to make his nachos.
    -Nick

Really?! I quote monologues?!
    -Nick

And "going down on the napkin" would be the phrase!
    -Jemma

At this point, I figure I've not only lost my innocence, but it's three months later and I've still failed to put up a poster saying "Lost, Innocence; Reward."
    -Cassie

After reporting the loss of my sanity and my self-esteem and my will to live, and I still haven't gotten them back.
    -Cassie

Holly is in such a state of whatever right now that you could tell her that you were going to shave chihuahuas ritualistically for a tribe of Maiori New Zealanders.
    -Nick, Jemma's gonna get her FWT job

I haven't had sex EVER in 20 years, not that I was planning on it when I was two months old...
    -Ness

No, bad Jemma, no one is fellating any recycled paper!
    -Cassie

Cassie, come out of your hat right now!
    -Ness

It's gotten to the point with the puffy sleeves where I look at my own sleeves and I feel inadequate.
    -Cassie

I'm starting to feel sorry for Milerna - no wonder she wears so much pink, she's got puffy-sleeve-envy!
    -Cassie

A, I don't know what a prate is, B, what's your point, and C... what's a prate?
    -Bev

Bev: I'd believe that! I was really gullible as a kid.
Ness: Bev, you're still really gullible!

Jemma: Nat concentrates on becoming one with the table.
Nat, forehead on table's edge: Feel the wood.

They're not even jugs, they were KEGS.
    -John on someone's boobs

We have the weather channel in my house. The radar is my mother's savior. It comes in with its green cape flying and my mother screams "WE HAVE RAIN!"
    -Jemma, who said SOMETHING like that...

When I learned that a one-pound gerbil had been force-fed 50 lbs of Diet Coke, I was neither surprised that a major corporation would do that, nor that Diet Coke caused cancer.
    -excerpt from John's Taste the Wrong speech

You just turn a bottle of Diet Coke into a giant popsicle, hire a monkey to beat the shit out of the gerbil until it eats it...
    -John

Winds will keep coming, waves will keep crashing, and walruses will keep gnawing at your ankles.
    -Chris

The cupcake is only a frosting delivery vehicle.
    -Cassie

Max: It'd be a ninja kung-fu sperm fight!
Nick: Inside Vanessa's womb, no less...

The testoterone in me has a man-crush on Soji!
    -Ness

Mother Nature's on her period.
    -John

Now I know what I'm getting Jemma for Christmas. I'm gonna get a really nice pen, and I'm gonna soldier it to your HAND!
    -Nick

She thinks you're hot? Oh! She's a praying mantis. Ohhh...
    -Max, the body language was lovely, too

I will beat you to death with my water bottle!
    -Bev

It's not jealousy, you understand. It's just the desire to beat someone to death with a squeaky mallet.
    -Cass

I'm not going to protest the quote. I am a Zen quoter.
    -Cass

Is that peace of mind or is that basic arithmetic?
    -Nick

Daa, da da dada... Fuck.
    -John's got a song stuck in his head

That's pain only Escher could understand.
    -John

Jessie has always been here. Which means that God was looking at him, going, "How sad."
    -Ryan

My sanity is in Cancoon. It sent me a postcard.
    -Nat

Ness: Jemma, we need to go into town and buy frying pans.
Megan: And lots and lots of duct tape. We'll just get lots of animal crackers, so they'll at least have something to eat.
Ness: And then lock them in the closet.
    -on capturing bishounen

John: If everybody had their own personal sound track, we'd be DEAFENED by the sound of violins. Six billion of the smallest violins in the world.
Max: And you know some joker would pick the Song That Never Ends.
John: Except they'd play it with violins

Time snickers quietly, goes off to deal another hand of poker.
    -Jemma

Vanessa is the best action figure ever.
    -John

I refuse to believe that Cupid uses arrows. He uses a mallet. A big, heavy, metal mallet, and he sneaks up behind you and goes WHAM!!! And you sort of fall over onto someone.
    -Cassie

You have to fully contemplate what you say at this table before you say it. Because if you trail off, you're doomed. You're like, so guys, last night... An instant later three people jump in. You were eating a dead baby? You were screwing this guy? You were shooting someone?
    -Max

Trains aren't supposed to go meep, Shelly!
    -Jemma

YES! I KNOW what I'm SAYING and you're all gonna LISTEN to me and think I'm BRILLIANT!
    -Cassie in class

Bastard evil dough snigh die!
    -Bev was probably trying to tell the snow to die, but we'll never know

My hair really does do that by itself; it's straight down to here and then it just goes WA-hah! With exactly that noise.
    -Max

I have to be very careful about when I open my mouth because something about oral sex might come out, and I have just learned to accept this.
    -Cass, the Tao of quoting, coined by Max

I feel bad for bullseye. It's like "Yeah, I can piss my name in the snow in sanscrit, but who's gonna win in a fight?"
    -Who said that?

Fifth Element is like the Collected Works of Shakespeare compared to Unbreakable.
    -John

You know what the first thing is I'm gonna do when I get back home for Christmas? (longingly) I'm gonna be BORED! Oh, boredom...
    -Cassie

Jack doesn't need his problems solved, he's a PIRATE! Pirates don't go to therapy, and their therapists aren't waist-length-haired Mary Sues!
    -Cassie

It rubbed against the bounderies of reasonably chaste in a very insinuating fashion.
    -Nick

I was just like, I must be gay, because I'm sitting here playing video games while three scantily-clad women are snuggling on my bed.
    -Nick

No! I'm not quoting solid, I'm quoting mooshy!
    -Cass

All along the battlefield are restaurants and fast food joints as if the Ilean were a food court...
    -John

This is my ideal seating, because I'm close to the source of quotes, (points to Nick), close to the quote scribe, and close enough to John to hear the quoting!
    -Cassie

I am as fickle as a Greek god. I have no other godly attributes, which sucks ass.
    -John

If I were Zeus, I'd have my own Malaysian factory full of goddesses...
    -John

She doesn't have bones, she has very strong saplings.
    -Nick of Jemma's mom, the gardener

You can say whatever you want about each other's blowjobness.
    -Megan

...That didn't happen, so... wombats and flowers are fucking in the fields. (shrugs)
    -Chris

Max: Does Jello have a soul?
John: Yes - and it married your mom!
Nick: Wait - Max's dad is Jello?!

Even PIE cannot slake the thirst of the savage beast!
    -Nick

Jemma: Because boys suck, apparently.
Ness: Actually it's more of a licking motion then a...

I don't want schitzophrenic cats, I want to go to a convent where there are other hot chicks who wanted to go to a convent and we'll have a big nun orgy!
    -Nessa

We have such deep psychological conversations at this table, it astounds me.
    -Nat, having read the quote napkin

Don't you hate that first syllable when you realize no one's singing along with you anymore?
    -John

Is Megan gonna pull a sword out of Nessa's chest? Can I watch?
    -Cassie

HEY! Just because they're big doesn't mean they house a fuckin WEAPON!
    -Nessa

I'm really not obsessed with Nessa's breasts!
    -Cassie

Cass: Wow, it's a Nat! Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic Nat!
Nat: Jeez, where is he?!

Stop it with the grand sweeping orchestral swells, Danny Elfman!
    -Cassie

Oh no, the Shemma critted on their saccharine check! I have to summon up the DM's Kit of Diabetes to keep from passing out!
    -Nick

It's all about the snicker-snack, except this time the hideous bandersnatch is the one WEILDING the vorpal blade.
    -John

I can't be scary, I'm too TIMID to be scary!
    -Nessa

No, don't have a horrible terrible dry screw day!
    -Jemma

Megan, you LIVE with me! You won't FIT in my pocket and I CAN'T put you in the closet or you'll beat me!
    -Ness

Nick: What would happen if I made a belt with mistletoe on the buckle?
Cass: Good luck with that.
John: I guess whenever two midgits walked through your legs they'd have to kiss.

Ness: Cassie, your boobs are sexy!
Megan: Yeah, you do have a nice rack.
Cass: Um.. Um... I.. I think I need to go get spaghetti...

You should've seen the Bull of Heaven's tapdance. In Gilgamesh the musical.
    -Cass

Fear the power of my macedonian king! Fear the HORSEpower of my macedonian king!
    -Shelly's car is named Gilgamesh

The thimble was a marvelous invention, and I think that the person who invented it should be given oral sex. Preferably while they were alive.
    -Shelly

Strider would not wear 160-dollar hiking boots from Columbia Sportswear! Legalas would, because he's the kind of nancy-boy who pays attention to the footwear issue, but not Aragorn!
    -Cass

I'll just put down the shovel, climb out of the hole and put my clothes back on.  Now I'm muddy and embarrassed.
    -Cassie

I wonder what kind of resume you have to write for the Borg.
    -John

You know what I have learned? Philosophy and lust are completely incompatible.
    -Nick

You have the turning radius of a Mesapotamin King.
    -Jemma

Yes, but your glomp monster is chronically depressed.
    -Shelly

Look!  It's jello you can wash with!
    -Jemma