Sweet juicy god, that's unfair.
    -Nick on Shelly's to hit stat

Now we're done with the buying expensive shit phase.
    -Nick

Man, I sound like a severely diseased vacuum cleaner.
    -Jemma

There's a faint scent of ozone in my nostrils.
    -Jemma

Nick: You're fighting Termagou.
John: I'm fightin' a spice?!
Nick: Not terragon, you fuck!

Nick: Alaric the orc.
Helen: Bjork?! Man, they're dead!

When they run at me they say "Raa-ach-owwwww fuck, my foot!!" and I kill them.
    -Deacon caltrops are fun

Shelly: Shelly turns into a happy mushroom.
Nick: Tricksy false funguses.

One side can have a scary clown face-it's like, scary clown, scary clown! WHAM!"
    -Helen

Smeagal the flaming magical greatsword.
    -Nick

Excuse me? Excuse me? Do I have to show you my dexterity bonus?
    -Helen

What if God was one of us...just a DM omnibus...
    -Shelly as heard by Jemma

Do swords have necks?
    -Shelly

Socks of ogre stench.
    -Shelly

Rodgord the Lazarus ant.
    -John

He squeejied her third eye?
    -John

John: That's what Alizdog dreams of when he's talking to the undead ants. Sitting on their shoulders..."
Jemma: While they dance in circles and beat drums?

Nick:There's an item called the Archne Eye...
Shelly: Wait, I have that already! Oh no, wait, I have the other thing that's an eye.

It would be like taking a pile of regurgitated Jell-O and trying to make one of those molds with all the marshmallows in the right place. You just can't do it.
    -Nick

You feel kind of disoriented, like you just went through airport security and they had to do a cavity search.
    -Nick

So it's gonna blow at us?
    -Helen

A little deeper than that'll think Berry White with strep throat.
    -Nick

The Virgin Cassie appears to be having fits on God's bed.
    -Jemma

Oh no, the Virgin Mary knows Kung Fu!
    -John

Orcejellies, they're tree flavored.
    -John

Esahme's bonkying the roomies...
    -Nick

It's taken damage for 17 if it's not dead, just shoot it!
    -John

Alizdog calls over to the shadow. "Hey Shadow, wanna play horse?
    -John

Vowal!!! File! ... I just messed up foul and vile ... Sweet juicy Nick! ... Oh GOD!
    -Nick

Deacon's gonna cut through the red tape in a metaphorical sense and spear the fucker.
    -Nat

Whoo-Hoo! I did some-thing use-ful, I did some-thing use-ful!
    -Helen sings after killing the Ifritet

While the baby is playing patty cake with Alizdog, Deacon chops its hands off.
    -Nat

Finally Alizdog's showdown with Edith Warton.
    -John

The thief was hit with an anvil! This level brought to you by Acme! The boss of the level is secretly the Coyote!
    -John

John: Does he smell any other babies?
Nick: Nope. It's not a buffet.

God's concubine gets off the bed and slaps the hell out of whoever said that!
    -Cassie

We're talking about a human society based on the Smurfs...or at least I am.
    -Helen

We're fighting God's cuticle!
    -Alizdog

God isn't getting any for the next week.
    -Helen

Don't look a gift Bull's Strength in the mouth!
    -Shelly

God plays basketball wit the Bianca-ball.
    -Nick

In other words; Chi-ching, dear.
    -Jemma

I have a little chip in my head that hits me whenever I realize that I'm becoming a nerd, and right now it's hitting me in the face like a barroom door. Someone asked me if I could do something this evening and I said: "No, I have D&D." BAM!!
    -John

Bean cake is different than a cake with beans on it.
    -Helen

I know I ask you this often, Jemma, but what are you eating?
    -Helen

You overestimated at 600xp and its 3600xp?
    -Nick

Nick: Everyone at the camp's been kinda depressed since you got back.
Alizdog: I tried taking a shower!

Delivers 21 damage to the first son-of-a-bitch who wants his fruit.
    -John

Tries to kill one of them with his big long stick.
    -Nat

I don't appreciate art! Only shiny things!
    -Bianca, spoken like a true Kender

Nat: Deacon starts singing a really old Elfish death chant.
John: Enter the Sandman?

Nick: Alright...Helen, 2300exp.
Helen: Just for peeing? Wow!
Nick: Best pee ever!

John: Mr. Stalagmite.
Shelly: I think we just learned the name of John's penis.
John: It it's a rock hard erection, yes! As of now it's the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man!

So guys, don't drop out of the campaign! Unless you want these characters you've been  working so hard on, to get hit with a fucking flashlight!
    -John

Flaming Sphere of Death, which just rolls back and forth over the wraiths...there's 30 of them, so it really can't miss.
    -Nat

Eshame instantaneously achieves level 93.
    -Nat

I'm gonna start kicking wraith ass, because I'm a house, with a snarling kitty vorpal mace with glowing eyes.
    -Shelly

Deacon rolls a 19...22 with the bonus, strikes a pose.
    -Nat

She's no longer Eshame, she's Eye-House!
    -John

God gave her something better than a boob job.
    -Nick

Sometimes we speak to our stomachs, but most of the time we're speaking to our heads.
    -Shelly

My mind is in the Utena gutter.
    -Shelly

I refuse to deepthroat the celery. ...gag me.
    -Shelly

People ate my mother all the time.
    -Kaj

I'm not gonna eat my mother! Not even if SHE paid ME!
    -Brenner

Muffin-sized pieces?
    -Rezar

Kaj, please ignore the thing dangling between the breasts that you don't have.
    -Jemma

Fuck you with a gangrene testicle!
    -sprite to Rezar

Body of sex, brain of muffin.
    -Shelly on Rezar

Bren: It's falling asleep, the poor thing.
Rezar: It just smacked me with a stick of celery!
Bev: Dude, it was just celery!
Shel: Yes, but it was rough!