A car that reads your
fortune? "You are traveling down I-92. You will meet a tall, dark stranger. He will
pull you over for speeding. Thank you.
...Did I just quote again? FUCK! ...Damn ME.
The who - stole - my - banana - opera?
You're trying to break out in cartoon, Chae.
Maybe the free world doesn't need rocking.
My attempted nose transplant didn't work. Your nose didn't want to take
root; instead it took vengeance.
I'm not a man-hating lesbian, I just get tired of men being like: This is
my DICK! TAKE it! and I'm like NO! Just leave me ALONE! and they're like NO! and I'm like
Wow. These are prehistoric ferns. These are ferns that say, Hey - I ate
If I had thick leather hawk gloves, I MIGHT drag you kicking and screaming
from the bed.
-Bev on protection from the angry Chae
Oh I see, I was mistaking like for like.
-Shelly, yes exactly
Well it's not MY fault, it's the goddamn cuticles growing in all
directions like stalagmites or something!
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls... itchy bra.
Shelly: I'm at the cottage! There needs to be...
Bev: Poison ivy!
Haveda whosy whatsit.
Jemma: Are those rays of light coming out of your breastbone?
Shelly: No, it's my bra.
I need to attempt to call my stupid, evil, die-witch-die boss.
It's interesting, the positions you're forced to assume in order for the
pool noodles to accept you as their rightful master.
Shelly's now the purveyor of all things noodley.
Shelly's a noodle pimp.
Ok, guys, no hot noodle sex on the raft.
We don't say grace, we say Glomp.
Just when you think she's not listening, you quote.
I don't want to be New Dheli...
Fish better take me Chrissing.
-Bev, it's late
There's a difference between humility and just plain silliness.
That's a band name. "Zechs and the tall geese."
Shelly: We just didn't want you to while you were blowing up drift off to
oblivion or anything.
Chae: I could have got back...
Shelly: We're in the country! At night! With NO ADULTS! ...Except that
we're all adults.
Chae: Who's an adult? Bev, are you an adult?!
(Attentive blank stare from Bev as she tries to figure out what Chae's talking about.)
What, is my brain turkey?!
-Shelly's brain put the brain-sucking glomp-monster to sleep
I missed that last train to reality, can I catch the 2:10?
I'm telling you Jemma, we teach you to knit, we sell the scarves, we take
over the world!
Would you - Stop - making me - With the green - meh!
-Bev in Uno
I put them where they belong and they're lost to me forever.
Amanda: Chris, did you arrest a couch?
Chris: No, it's for you!
Amanda: We don't want a criminal couch!
Chae: What is the sound of one artist talking?
Jemma: I suck.
Show me a small vampire, and I'll show you a DEAD small vampire.
-Bev's holding a long splinter
Groceries for a week in New Hampshire = $168.00
Floats on Sale at Ames = $10.00 each
Pool Noodles = $1.68
Seeing Chae in the water and flipping off her raft repeatedly = Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Limitless Noodles
-Jemma, Chae, Bev, and Shelly
He's already got the name, all he needs is to lose two more brain cells
and we can start watering him.
-Shelly on Bush
She spontaneously sprouted eyelashes!
That wasn't an accent, that was just Jemma before she was corrupted by the
thingyness of Bennington.
I'm confusing myself and my brain hurts.
Bev: You know I didn't break this. This was broken before I touched it.
Shelly: Okay, then give it to me. I'll break it even more.
I'll be a duck. NO, I'll be a tall goose!
Tonight, The Thing, starring Chae as the Thing. Also Bev, starring as the
Other Thing and understudying the Thingy.
-Bev and Shelly
Ladies and gentlemen, I can't deepthroat celery.
God, this is Bren. Bren, this is God. Mingle!
Mama's little baby loves sour fish blood.
-Jemma, they were sour fish candy
Don't wake up so early, you nut!
My kingdom for a mouse.
Bev: Why is there an airhole here?
Jemma: So the leads don't suffocate.
Bev: Yeah, it'd be terrible if they suffocated before you GRIND DOWN their HEADS!
Curse you Ken, a pox upon you and your steakhouse!
If I wanted tonic water I would have said tonic water, now give me some
The amazing ectoplasmic ape.
Shelly: And I'm not even tired!
Bev: She says in her encore of delirium!
And I don't even have glasses! I am ... thingy!
You weren't this grumpy when you were born.
Behol', Jemma, behol', da works of da quote file. Behold.
Huge, ugly, make noise, and they leave their skeletons hanging from trees.
-Bev doesn't like cicadas
Just because I came out of the proverbial closet does not give you
permission to bite my ass!
-Shelly's annoyed with the lesbian mosquitoes
Rise, rise, oh Chae, and get yourself some desert.
It started out Push the Monkey off the Bed, changed somewhere in the
middle to Battle for the Bridge from Star Trek, and then metamorphosized into Wrestlemania
3000, except I was still Spock.
It's on my list, along with Night of the Dawn of the Day of the Son of the
They called on Skeeterbane and then they were surprised when she showed
Feeding Chocolate to Monkey is a hobby of mine.
God damn lesbian mosquitoes are getting kinky.
Chae: You're making assumptions
Shelly: I know, Bad llama!
Chae: Like, Chae's thinking.
They do dumb stuff everywhere, but in the city they call it fashion.
Some of them want to be a fried croissant cause, damn it, it'd be better
They're not crunchies, they're giant hard hunks of thingy.
God has an innate interest in my sexuality.
A new respect for your insanity has just grown within me.
You must be incredibly muscular underneath all those skin and bones.
Haha! I got out of the quote!
My fuzzy bunnies try to be like that. They'll come out wearing the leather
jacket, except its pleather because I'm poor, and they'll have the sunglasses that are two
dollars at the 7-11, and they're just standin there like, "I'm not a fuzzy bunny! I'm
a hardass bunny, hell, yeah!" Then the normal fuzzy bunny'll come along all unashamed
in it's pinkness, and they're all disgusted, like, "Oh get out of it!" And
finally they just rip off their jackets, like "Oh, fine! I'm a fuzzy bunny,
You can't quote me for getting out of the quote! Dammnit, that's illegal!
Incoming, preppy variety... Caucasian.
-Vinny about hikers
Maybe while he's laughing at me I can kick him in the nads.
-Vinny about his new spear.
Isis has a fondness for evening wear.
Shelly: Then we take over the world, that's my life plan, what do you
Chae: I've got my fingernails full of dead meat.
The fuzzy bunnies cornered me, merged into one giant fuzzy bunny, and
swallowed me. And it rode a Yellow Fuzzy Turtle.
It's an odd realization when you look at your friend and realize,
"Hey, he beat me up ten years ago."
You tackled the pole like it owed you money! It was like: A Pole! Yes!
-Vinny about Kevin
God looks better from this angle.
Celebration at a 45 degree angle.
He did a line of sandwich.
I lost a pickle on that one.
Suzanne: It's called a RIGHT TURN!
Kevin: Left turn.
Suzanne: Left turn, whatever.
Watch as Fake Smut girl dives into a phone booth, changes clothes with six
attractive vampires, and leaves again! All the while maintaining her relative innocence
and avoiding rigor mortis!
I may be a pile of ashes, but dammit, I'm a warm pile of ashes with a TAN!
Nooo! Fake Smut girl does not quote! She has a quote resistant cape! It's
coated with Teflon! Quotes slide off her!
And Lo, they came within earshot of the Shelly...and lo they doth
quote...Quotes the likes of which only heroes tell now.
See Cassie. Cassie has dyed her hair black. See Cassie washing out the
dye. See Cassie's hair turn black. And Cassie's ears. And Cassie's tub. And Cassie's
shirt. See Cassie scrub. Scrub, Cassie, scrub!
-Cassie's Away Message
You just can't lust after a person after they've helped you make soup in
front of Snape.
Shelly: Yay capitalism... or however that's spelled.
Chae: It's spelled w-e-s-t-e-r-n space c-i-v-i-l-i-z-a-t-i-o-n.
You're my dependent this year. You cute, little, fuzzy ball of two
Shelly: They have this huge hunk of the wall! Now how did they get that?
Ted: Where there's a sailor, there's a way.
Shelly: So you're wireless?
It's amazing how much I can hurt myself by sitting mostly still.
Magic is a foot so keep your hands to yourself.
I will kill Gojyo and drink his blood for the nicotine contained therein!
-Chae as Sanzo
Chae: I could sit here laughing hysterically or I could go to the
Shelly: That's another one.
Is my presence a requirement to make your anagram experience worthwhile or
do you just want
to beat the shit out of me?
Shelly: It was a normal subconscieny nightmare.
Jemma: You mean like about socks and radishes?
We gotta have lotsa good description! *pants, drools, blinks, sighs,
sweatdrops* Not of that...
Far be it from me to destroy your wonderfully eccentric quirks and force
you into the realm of normality, but you'll save on socks.
-Shelly thinks Jemma should sweep her room.
I'm so not fit for grand cosmic battles. So I'll just give everyone cake
until they decide to like each other.
No, I'm not a sick little cookie... I'm just a ficcer.... I'm ... a
perfectly ordinary sick little ficcer.
Being chased by an angry burning zombie must really suck
I hope I would notice the emotions going down in my stomach.
I'm a God slut.